Future Uncertainty

My good friend, Choung, and I have been discussing whether he should get into nursing program. You see, Choung has a Bachelor's degree in Biochemistry and also a Master degree in Food studies. He's been studying, and struggling to work part time, all his life.

But why nursing when you have a Master degree in other field, you may ask?

The answer is simple - to obtain a precious ticket to live in the world of America, or better known as a green card.

Choung was looking high and low for jobs but to no avail. Apparently, it's not easy to be employed over here, even though you have higher educations. It's even harder after the terror of September 11.

What I admire most about Choung is his courageous and strong will attitude. He never gives up easily and always strive for the best. He is willing to sacrifice his time, money and effort to do nursing...that's like another 2 or 3 years of studying!

It's never easy to be an immigrant in this foreign land. Come to think about it, I realized that we, Malaysian Chinese, were also "immigrants" in our homeland. We always struggle to secure a place in the university due to the quota system; we have to work harder for our own future - paying loans and taxes; and we will never ever climb up to the top of the political ladder (not that I'm interested in politics, I'm just making an example here)

And because of all these obstacles we were facing during our childhood till now, we were polished, through the hard ways, to be tougher and adaptive to challenges. And I'm not just saying about Malaysians...I'm talking about Asians as a whole.

We used to despise the way Singaporean's attitude of being "kiasu". Deep down inside us, we are "kiasu" too. It's a competitive world out there honey...if you fall and fail to climb up again, you will be left behind the rest (Just like gay men, if you are not pretty, or doesn't have a ripped body, chances of getting hooked up is slim, RIGHT?!) I hate to say this but sometimes it's good to be "kiasu" and "kiasi".

While Edwina and I were walking to grab a bite after school, she complained how competitive her class was. Seriously, I'm not surprised at all because almost half of her class are Asian students. Asians tend to be more serious about their work, and work harder for their grades. Especially for international students like me and Edwina, we pay at least 10 times more for our tuition fees than the Americans. So that sort of forcing us to work even harder.

If only life is fair...but it will never be fair. NEVER. It's up to you to decide what is best for yourself because nobody is going to do that for you.

So Choung, no matter what you decide for your future, I have faith in you to do the best. No matter what happens, you have me as a good friend to support you in every way I could. That is because I am honored to be your friend.

God bless :)

PS - this post is not intended to stir up any flame on racist issues...so chill people.

C is for Cibai

I am pissed!!! I really am…I know this may sound a bit too dramatic or childish for you guys, but I just couldn’t believe that I got a fucking 7 out of 10 for my anatomy quiz today. A fucking SEVEN!!! That’s a fucking C!!! And C stands for Cibai!!! And we gay men hate Cibais!!! (By the way, an “A” stands for Adorable American-man, that’s two AAs for that matter…which sad to say, I didn’t even close to him…or that.)

There’s no excuse for not doing well in those quizzes cause they are like kacang putih for me…or anyone in fact. I studied hard for it, and I should get better grades than that. At least a B (Big Bodied Boys) doesn’t sound so ….Bad.

And don’t try to console me cause it won’t do any good!!! It’s over!!!

OK, I’m feeling better now. It’s time to go back to pictures of naked men, with labels like Pubis (pubic), Inguen (groin) and Gluteus (buttock). Thank God no Mamma (breasts) or Cibai.

Amen.

No More I Love Yous

I hate to publish a post regarding to my past, especially the ones that are depressing enough to make you yawn, because that means boring to some of you! But I promise this is the last one.

Yesterday while I was busy doing my assignment for my Chicano Studies (Don't ask!) online, I bumped into Y on msn. Being the princess of me, of course I would keep quiet until he clicked on me, which I thought would never happen. (FYI, he sent my phone bills and bank statements to my new address without any notice...no sms-es...no calls)

But I was wrong.

Y: *wink*

I felt a bit hesitated to answer at first.

Me: Hey how are you?
Y: Good. How is school?
Me: Busy...too much assignments...(bla bla bla)
Y: That's what you're here for, no?
Me: Yeah.

We chatted for another few minutes until my coursemate called - he was waiting at my front door.

Me: I gotta go, my coursemate is here. We have to...bla bla bla (Why would I even want to explain to him?!)
Y: OK. Love you byebye.
Me: Love you, bye.
Y: *wink*

I don't know if I should've said that...but I did it so naturally that I didn't even realize it - whatever that means. Did he say that just because he wants to be polite? Cause he said that to all his friends anyway...Will we ever be friends again?

Maybe I said that cause I was excited talking to him. Maybe it's just the beginning of a great friendship. Maybe I just missed him too much. Maybe like him, I was just being polite? Maybe....Maybe not.

Whatever it is, I take back the words I said in the last blog bout him.

I forgive and hopefully I will forget.

Gay Dot Com

Yesterday was the first day I persuaded Angelo to bring me to gay.com (with no hesitation) Gosh, it’s been like ages the last time I was on this site, and nothing seems to change – the steamy sexy advertisement of gorgeous men posing half naked (no complains); the easy pop up chatroom displaying all the countries around the globe (no complains…but if only men pop up as fast as this it would’ve been better); and the best part is – all the horny men, waiting patiently to catch their preys (me! Me! Pick me!).

Pardon me, but I’m not a slut. I have to admit that before I met Y…I was somehow, a girl who was willing to explore more than the norms. THAT…makes me special, OK!!!

Anyway, I wasn’t really in the mood of getting hook ups, but merely just look see look see how’s the scenes like, especially over here in LA – the land of golden opportunities (for sex…and possibly men too).

Do you know that there are 13 rooms in Los Angeles alone?! But of course, LA is big. It’s at least 3 or 4 times the size of KL. Everything here is BIG! Do I even have to elaborate more?!

And I told myself (with a big smirk on my face) this can be easy, especially with my shower picture posing (almost) full frontal, I shouldn’t have a problem at all.

5 minutes passed…no one clicked me.

10 minutes…maybe it’s still early. *Yawn*

15 minutes…Should I click someone instead???

20 minutes…Got 2 IMs. One with no pic (sayonara!) and another one was a spam.

25 minutes passed and I was almost falling asleep. Zzzzz…

And all of a sudden, I got one very gorgeous man clicked on me. He’s TOTALLY my type – muscular body, goatee, tall, well hung (just guessing) and had a great smile. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Wow…all the waiting was worth it! And here how it goes:

Hunkyhunk69: hey how are you?
Banana_milkshake: hey I’m good and you?
Hunkyhunk69: you’re cute.
Banana_milkshake: thanks…so are YOU!!! (Sorry, I got all excited!)
(Few minutes paused…)
Hunkyhunk69: you wanna hook up?
Banana_milkshake: But I just broke up! Errr…OK.
Hunkyhunk69: you can see my pics at www.blablablawhatever.com/hunkywellhunghunk. You don’t need a username for it. Just click on the names of hunks you wanna see and you’ll get to see them live on cam. And it’s FREE.

#@%*%$#@#$%....

It feels like a huge dick dangling in front of you but you can’t even touch it.

But of course that’s not the end of my session with gay.com cause I got chatted up by a few men who seem to be interested in me. That’s another episode of my blog.

What I’m trying to say is, sometimes we got so desperate that we would do anything just to get someone and if that someone doesn’t meet our expectation (like Mr. Spam here), we get all upset and pissed.

It’s the same with relationships. We often expect too much from our partners until we forget that nobody’s perfect in this world. Great expectations will turn out to be disappointments if we constantly set certain criteria in our partners. Why can’t we go with the flow? Love would be so much easier if sometimes we just have one of our eyes shut.

If only relationships are so easy to handle…

My First Toy Boy

Oh my, I finally got myself a new toy boy!!! He's nice and sweet and I really love to have him with me (until I get a better one...OK let's not get too greedy here) But believe me, owning him it's not easy at all. First of all, he's pretty expensive and was a little bit over my budget. But I fell in love with him instantly when I saw him yesterday. He was just sitting there, chilling out. There were some other better looking boys, but I told myself that he's gorgeous enough for me. And as long as he can please me in every way I want him to, I don't need some other dashy looking boys!

Secondly, Edwina (my Malaysian girlfriend, a REAL girl with REAL boobs, not the one who’s in London now) and I had to take 2 buses and walk for more than half and hour just to get him. Phew...as I said, it wasn't easy. But it was a huge accomplishment for me. That’s because I finally got my toy boy and now I am madly in love with him (even Edwina fell for him…back off bitch!!!) It's really a good remedy for break up, trust me.

I should introduce a bit about my toy boy. He's Japanese…with a Japanese name (duh!), but I like to call him Angelo cause it sounds like my last name – N.G.O. His features are sharp and he has a strongly built body. I really love his skin colour - slightly tanned and shiny, and different from the rest of the boys.

The best part bout him is - when I’m playing with him (that’s what he’s for, right?!). He’s fun, carefree and always ready for me. Oh my, he’s so nice to touch and always gimme a sense of pleasure. I can do whatever I want with him…and he always obeys what I tell him to do (good for a bossy girl like me!). I don’t have to worry if he’ll get jealous if I talk to other guys, cause he even helps me to get hook ups with them! *big grin*

But the thing with Angelo is when I get too excited playing with him…sometimes he runs out of stamina. Ugh, what a TURN OFF! So I must always get ready some “supplements” to feed him in order to gain back his energy (go figure what supplements are those *wink*) Other than that, he’s always in a good shape and I can’t wait to have some fun with him.

I guess I will spend more time with Angelo since I left Y. I know, it’s not fair for Y…but…WHO ASK HIM TO BE AN ASSHOLE!!!

But I thought bout Y that day…hmmm…I shouldn’t talk bout Y when I’m blogging bout my Angelo, should I?

What I’m trying to say is…since I got Angelo, I’m a happier girl than before. Angelo not only gives me lots of pleasure sexually, but also opens up my eyes and heart to everything and everyone around me. With only one touch away on Angelo…I can remember how much fun I had with my sisters (and no, I’m not a lesbian…although I act like one).

So Angelo, I love you, with all my heart…but if you break down whenever I need you, I will kill you!!!

Just in case you don’t know, Angelo’s real name is Toba WITH a Shi…and he’s my (lap)-TOP.