One Year Ago...

The year 2007 is almost over. Funny I don't make up crazy resolutions that I used to do. Maybe it's because I will be so busy once school starts again in January, and my only resolution is to pass nursing school. Time flies really. One year from now I'll be done with nursing school. Maybe another one or two months or so, I'll be taking my board to qualify as an RN. Sounds like a good plan to me. After all, this is what I'm here for.

Looking back all these years, I hardly regret anything that I have done. Though there were moments I wish I could turn back the clock, and there were times I wish I could have done better in certain aspects of my life, still I felt contented with what I have right now.

I'd like to see my life as small fragments of events.

One year ago, Choung and I got accepted to nursing school. We were so happy that we thought "this is it! No more worries for the next two years since we got into the nursing program!" Little did we know that waiting to get into nursing school is as hard as getting into nursing school.

Ten months ago, I was given a nickname as "Thai Noodle" by my professor because I'm Asian and my first name happens to sound exactly like the word "Thai." How fucked-up racist could that be? Later, after several name callings, I finally gathered the gut to approach her. She gave an excuse saying "it's only for the sake of recalling."

Nine months ago, we were struggling to get through nursing school. Too much information and yet too little time. We were bombarded with medical terminology, pathophysiology, pharmacology...At one point, I thought they are trying to make us doctors instead of nurses.

Eight months ago, I was shamed in front of my classmates and every person in the hospital lobby because I didn't say "thank you" to the nursing assistant. Later I got a probation because I tried to open my mouth to reason what had happened. And in this nursing school, particularly this professor, you don't have the final say.

Seven months ago, most of us passed the first semester, and we were all relieved...or so we thought.

Five months ago, the nightmare came back. More books to read, and more crazy professors to face. Speaking of crazy, we started our psych clinical rotation for the second semester. Interestingly, I met lots of interesting patients. One of them, whom I will never forget, was a 45 year-old Schizophrenic patient in the critical care unit. He would stand at the corner, looking up the ceiling, and shouting on top of his lungs in Farsi. Later, he told me that the "voice" was telling him to kill his sister and niece. He would scribble words in Farsi in a piece of paper, and told me that the voice wanted him to write down the "tasks" so that he would not forget. On occassions, he would strip down his pants and later explained that the "voice" was commanding him to do so.

Three months ago, no matter how busy my school could be, Brian and I celebrated our two years together.

Two months ago, I fell sick without any signs of warning of its coming. Coincidentally, Brian left town for few days when I got sick. I was terribly ill, and when I got up one night for a sip of water in the kitchen, I got dizzy and blacked out for a split second. The next thing I remembered I was on the floor, breathing and sweating heavily. I had to crawl back to the bed from the kitchen by myself. When Brian came back, he wanted me to see the doctor. But later when we found out that it would cost me two grand, just to walk into an ER, I decided to pop more OTC drugs and "wait and see." With no insurance in this country, and with the virus in me, I thought I was dying, and I totally felt like I was in Michael Moore's Sicko.

One month ago, Brian and I finally registered for domestic partnership. I guess I am stuck with him for the rest of my life *grin*

Three weeks ago, I had to study for my finals. Half of the class was failing. The only thing I wanted was not A's or B's, but to pass the class. At one point, Choung almost gave up. We studied way much than we did in our undergrad studies.

Two weeks ago, we were finally done with our finals! Most of us passed, but there were some who didn't make it.

One week ago, we saw the shrink again. It was our second time visiting. We got nothing much to say except Italy! The only advice he gave was to be as transparent as possible, which I find it hard sometimes. Saying the exact thoughts that I want to say without hurting my significant other is something that I am trying to improve.

Three days ago, we fought again after months of our last fight. We ended up crying in bed, hugging and comforting each other.

Three hours ago, I gave Brian a morning kiss before getting out of bed, and played The Cure's Lovesong repeatedly since then.

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away

I will always love you

However long I stay

I will always love you

Whatever words I say

I will always love you

I will always love you