Jingle This, Jingle That

It's been mixed feelings this holiday seasons. A part of me happy because I get to rest for one week before the winter semester starts; another part of me feels lonely because Brian is not here to celebrate the holidays with me. Brian is now in India, walking for peace. I'm really proud of him doing that but...he should be here spending my first X'mas here in LA!!! I miss him terribly that I can cry!

Apart from struggling for finals (which ended today! Praise the Lord!), there were so many exciting news happened lately.

First of all, Choung, my best friend from NC, decided to come to LA to study nursing with me! That really thrills me! It's unbelievable after 15 years of friendships, we finally go back to study at the same college! How amazing friendship is! I can't wait to rent an apartment for ourselves and cook meals together. It'll be so awesome.

Jaime, my college friend, has left for Pasedena college few days ago. Boohoo...all the best Jaime! We'll miss you!

Yesterday, out of nowhere, my ex called me. What an impeccable time! I mean it's holiday seasons and Brian is not around, he somehow got me distracted. We talked, for almost one hour, about everything except Brian. The reason? Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I don't think I still have feelings towards him, but I still care for him...as a friend. He hinted me this and that...I'm not sure what exactly he wants, but I have a strong feeling that he wants me back! It's so fucking scary, but I know what I want, and all I want is Brian.

But Brian is not here...

Edwina is going to Palm Spring with Yuddith, leaving me all alone here...lucky bitches! Have fun grrrrrrrrls!

Brian is still not here...

Oh yeah, I just found out that my good exclassmate is a drag...or at least he likes to dress up as a girl. (S)he looks really pretty with her tudung on. Wow! Another exciting news for this X'mas and I'm happy that he's coming out to me! :) Abby! You go grrrrrrrrrrl!

My roommate, Lance, is throwing a party for X'mas this Sunday. All of us have to get a 10 dollars gift to exchange. Where and what the fuck am I gonna get? Thanks for letting me know NOW! The thing is, I don't have a car, and there's no shopping malls around my neighborhood. I don't know, maybe I just give away my worn g-strings.

Still, Brian won't be back till January.

OK, this is the most depressing blog I've ever written. Maybe I am like what Brian said, some Americans get depressed because they are alone during the holiday seasons.

So am I addicted to Brian? Am I addicted to my emotional state where I won't be happy without Brian around me? Is this addiction healthy? Or it is merely a phase that I just have to go through? Besides, we just got to know each other for 2 months.

Maybe what Choung said is correct...maybe I am too demanding of Brian. For fucking sake, he's half way around the globe walking for peace! What else can you demand from him?

Patience...patience is a virtue...that's what they say.

If only he's here...