One Year Ago...

The year 2007 is almost over. Funny I don't make up crazy resolutions that I used to do. Maybe it's because I will be so busy once school starts again in January, and my only resolution is to pass nursing school. Time flies really. One year from now I'll be done with nursing school. Maybe another one or two months or so, I'll be taking my board to qualify as an RN. Sounds like a good plan to me. After all, this is what I'm here for.

Looking back all these years, I hardly regret anything that I have done. Though there were moments I wish I could turn back the clock, and there were times I wish I could have done better in certain aspects of my life, still I felt contented with what I have right now.

I'd like to see my life as small fragments of events.

One year ago, Choung and I got accepted to nursing school. We were so happy that we thought "this is it! No more worries for the next two years since we got into the nursing program!" Little did we know that waiting to get into nursing school is as hard as getting into nursing school.

Ten months ago, I was given a nickname as "Thai Noodle" by my professor because I'm Asian and my first name happens to sound exactly like the word "Thai." How fucked-up racist could that be? Later, after several name callings, I finally gathered the gut to approach her. She gave an excuse saying "it's only for the sake of recalling."

Nine months ago, we were struggling to get through nursing school. Too much information and yet too little time. We were bombarded with medical terminology, pathophysiology, pharmacology...At one point, I thought they are trying to make us doctors instead of nurses.

Eight months ago, I was shamed in front of my classmates and every person in the hospital lobby because I didn't say "thank you" to the nursing assistant. Later I got a probation because I tried to open my mouth to reason what had happened. And in this nursing school, particularly this professor, you don't have the final say.

Seven months ago, most of us passed the first semester, and we were all relieved...or so we thought.

Five months ago, the nightmare came back. More books to read, and more crazy professors to face. Speaking of crazy, we started our psych clinical rotation for the second semester. Interestingly, I met lots of interesting patients. One of them, whom I will never forget, was a 45 year-old Schizophrenic patient in the critical care unit. He would stand at the corner, looking up the ceiling, and shouting on top of his lungs in Farsi. Later, he told me that the "voice" was telling him to kill his sister and niece. He would scribble words in Farsi in a piece of paper, and told me that the voice wanted him to write down the "tasks" so that he would not forget. On occassions, he would strip down his pants and later explained that the "voice" was commanding him to do so.

Three months ago, no matter how busy my school could be, Brian and I celebrated our two years together.

Two months ago, I fell sick without any signs of warning of its coming. Coincidentally, Brian left town for few days when I got sick. I was terribly ill, and when I got up one night for a sip of water in the kitchen, I got dizzy and blacked out for a split second. The next thing I remembered I was on the floor, breathing and sweating heavily. I had to crawl back to the bed from the kitchen by myself. When Brian came back, he wanted me to see the doctor. But later when we found out that it would cost me two grand, just to walk into an ER, I decided to pop more OTC drugs and "wait and see." With no insurance in this country, and with the virus in me, I thought I was dying, and I totally felt like I was in Michael Moore's Sicko.

One month ago, Brian and I finally registered for domestic partnership. I guess I am stuck with him for the rest of my life *grin*

Three weeks ago, I had to study for my finals. Half of the class was failing. The only thing I wanted was not A's or B's, but to pass the class. At one point, Choung almost gave up. We studied way much than we did in our undergrad studies.

Two weeks ago, we were finally done with our finals! Most of us passed, but there were some who didn't make it.

One week ago, we saw the shrink again. It was our second time visiting. We got nothing much to say except Italy! The only advice he gave was to be as transparent as possible, which I find it hard sometimes. Saying the exact thoughts that I want to say without hurting my significant other is something that I am trying to improve.

Three days ago, we fought again after months of our last fight. We ended up crying in bed, hugging and comforting each other.

Three hours ago, I gave Brian a morning kiss before getting out of bed, and played The Cure's Lovesong repeatedly since then.

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away

I will always love you

However long I stay

I will always love you

Whatever words I say

I will always love you

I will always love you

I Still Believe in Tori Amos

Last night we were at the Nokia Theatre for Tori Amos' concert. I've been a huge fan of Tori since I was in my uni years. I still remember her Choirgirl album that caught my attention, that led to the obsession, which I could proudly call myself a Toriphile. Well almost. I wasn't particularly crazy about her two previous albums (Scarlet Walk & Beekeeper), and for a personal reason, I stopped listening to Tori since my break up with my ex, who also happens to love Tori.

Talking about that ex, he's visiting next year and staying with us for a few days. It should be interesting to see him again after (silent) all these years.

Tori's concert was good, but for some reasons, I wasn't totally blown away. I love Tori's new album concept of having several characters that portray different type of women. With that saying, Tori took the trouble to change her outfits and wigs several times during the concert. She looked amazing with all the glamarous costumes, and her dramatic theatrical presentation put Cher to shame. But hang on...where's the raw and raunchy Tori that I used to love? Where's the crazy and let-all-the-hair-down Tori that I always felt connected to?

The only song that really reminded me of old Tori was "The Waitress"...which I told myself I had to get her cheap, see-through yet overpriced jersey top that says "I Believe in Peace, Bitch!" Oh well, I still love you Tori Amos.

I love Pussy!

Aren't they the cutest things in the world?

Got Lady Luck?

Last night, two classmates of mine, whom I'm quite close with, called me and told me that they failed the finals. That means they won't be able to advance to the next level, but to repeat those classes. Gosh, it must be so hard, cause not only you waste time and money, but to repeat the same boring crazy Psych lecture again?!

One of them moved from SF to LA just for nursing school. Furthermore, she had trouble with her long time girlfriend, and they had to call it a quit eventually. Not fun at all.

I wonder, sometimes, whether our fate depends on our luck or our faith? I've seen single mothers with three kids survive in nursing school, but why not the rest of us? I told Brian that at this point of my life, my number one priority is school. Not Brian, not my family, not my friends. Maybe I'm too selfish. Maybe I'm too narcissistic? But my philosophy is if I don't take care of myself, how can I take care of my loved ones? Oh well, I don't know what I'm babbling about.

Good luck to all those who have made it, or haven't made it.

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly

Woohoo!!! Finals are finally over! I'm just gonna chill, rest and relax for the next three weeks before the gruelsome nursing school starts. I can't believe I finish first year of nursing school...it's gonna be one more year before I take my board exam to become a certified RN!

So many events are coming up for this holiday and next year.

We saw Bjork last night, and again, she fucking blew me away with her two hours non stop screaming and rocking on the stage. We were dancing throughout the whole concert.

We're seeing Tori this Sunday!!! I'm SO looking forward for that! We're also holding another party before leaving for my trip. And we're seeing Dali next week :)

We have to see the shrink again for marriage counselling. There's nothing really wrong with our relationship but Brian suggests that we should work on our occassional "clashes" that we had. I think he couldn't stand my diva-tantrum-throwing attitude sometimes *grin*. But we are officially married (we signed the domestic partnership recently), without the official ceremony. That has to wait till I'm done with school. No plan yet to move in with him, unless I simply have to. We'll see.

Italy is just less than two weeks to go! Rome, Florence and Venice! I can't wait to see Micaelangelo's David's penis! After coming back from Italy, it's time to plan the trip back home!

Everything seems to flow really well this year. Although school is hectic (and pathetic sometimes), I was able to manage to juggle between school, work and Brian. I guess life goes on, no matter what.