I am totally pissed! Well, not because Brian could not "feed" me more than I can take, but because I just had a hot fuming controversial conversation with my ex. Everything went well at first; we were talking bout his life in Australia and my life in the States. Then we started talking bout gay life in Australia and he started making comments about gay people. It went like this:
(after 20 minutes of chatting...)
Ex: I think people have the wrong impression of gays because they party too much. I hate the image created by gay men, especially during Mardi Gras.
Me: I disagree with you.
Ex: Gay people are famous for being lusty and they never contribute to the society like the so called normal people.
Me: Why do you have to be so critical about yourself and other gay men?
Ex: And they are famous for AIDs
(at that moment I was FUCKING PISSED!!!)
Me: You are being so stereotype! Not ALL GAY MEN contribute to AIDS! What bout hookers and drug users?!
Ex: That's right, but people perceive that as the truth.
Me: Well why the fuck do you care about other people think? What do YOU think?
Ex: Haha...then you have to live in your own corner - gay country or gay community.
Me: That's why I'm here! And I hold my bf's hand when we're out side walking.
Ex: Well, try to do that in Iran. You're being selfish.
Me: Why do you think I'm selfish?!
Ex: Becuase you can do that and others can't.
(WHAAAAAAT???)
Me: Well, I worked my ass to come over here, it's not easy OK!!!
Ex: Gay men are great scientists and successful IT people, but they don't contribute that skill. All they care is partying in Mardi Gras.
Me: OMG, why are you being so critical about it? You're so shallow!
Ex: I might be shallow, but I care about gay men. I am proud to be one.
Me: If you care, stop being so critical and judgemental about US!
Ex: But other people will be critical on us because of the images we created.
Me: But the way you said it...you're being OVER concerned about how other people see you as gay!
Ex: Imagine if gay men are like those heterosexual people, parents won't discriminate their children. They are concern abou their children because of many stories they heard. They hear too many bad things bout gay people!
Me: Are you talking bout your parents? Sorry honey, but your parents gotta lots to learn. You are the one who suppose to educate them. Not them listening to other craps that they heard outside!
Ex: Well did you do that?
(I was FUMING!)
Me: Well, I'm out to my parents. It was hard at first, but eventually we talked about my bf here before I was leaving for LA...so what do you think?!
Ex: That's eventually.
Me: Well, at least I tried my best. Better than NEVER!!
Ex: If you think that's a great success, then I must say that you're shallow.
(GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!)
Me: I don't say that's a success, but at least I told that who I am! I want them to love me for who I am!!!
Ex: They know, but do they accept from the heart?
Me: Oh shut up! You gotta grow up! You have a lot of self hatred in you and I don't know WHY!!!
Ex: Don't talk to me about hatred...I'm a Buddhist and I know what hatred is.
Me: Well, not accepting yourself for who you are equals to self hatred!
(Then we spent almost 5 minutes talking bout Buddhism *rolls eyes*)
Ex: When gay still exist in this world, there will never be equality.
Me: OMG, you're so full of shit!
Ex: "Gay" people should disappeared, then there's equality in this world.
(I don't know why the fuck he used apostrophe for the word Gay...)
Me: Then you wish you never exist in this world?
Ex: When you have gay in your heart, you'll never let go of it yet.
(Don't ask me what THAT means!)
Me: So what? You're gay in a straight man body?
Ex: I accept it as it is.
(Whatever!)
Me: Why do you condemen gay people? Why can't you accept you as yourself and gay people as themselves?
Ex: I didn't condemn gay people. You are condemning me.
(I wish he's beside me so I can give him a nice tight slap)
Me: OMG, they have the right to live in this world!!! WE have the right to live in this world!
I don't know whether online chatting is a bad communication that leads to misunderstanding and misinterpretation between the 2 of us; or that both of us totally have different views about being gay.
I was pissed and disappointed with the things that he said. He never changed a fucking single bit. He's still the same old person whom I used to date. The ONLY ex that dumped me because of his parents. Great.
But then I felt thankful that we seperated because we are totally different in terms of living as a gay person. He dislikes parties, socializing and big events; and me, on the other hand, like everything the opposite. Sometimes opposites do attract, but sorry, not this one!
Of course I wish him well and hope that one day, he realizes that being gay is NOT suicide. And being gay is being OUT, LOUD & PROUD!!!
