Bed of Roses

You know, the first time I started writing this blog, I told myself not to write anything personal here. I'm not the type of girl who likes to express my feelings in the public, not because of ego (well, partly), but because I think that letting everyone knows exactly how you feel is not such a good idea. So I was always cautious of what I'm writing.

But I can't help it this time. I'm just going to say whatever I feel like saying, without hurting anyone of course.

Living in LA is a big change in my life - in a good and...a not-so-good way (I gotta be positive!). Nothing comes easy of course. I still remember trying so hard to go for my student visa interivew at the US Embassy. Preparing all the documents and stuff was a nightmare. Trying so hard to figure out what to answer when hit by questions like "Why US?", "Why nursing?" and "Why this and that?". There was a bump unfortunately, and I had to go back again for the 2nd interview. But I got it eventually and I was all set to leave MY for LA.

The last few weeks were the best weeks I had in KL and Penang. I started realising how important my family and my friends are to me. I threw a party for myself with the helps of my friends and it turned out to be quite a blast. Not as fabulous as the parties I attended here in LA, but at least EVERYONE knows me there. I got the chance to meet up with old friends - straights and gays, new friends - hot and not-so-hot. And the best part was, I came out to those who didn't know I was gay (as if...).

To be honest, I couldn't wait to step onto the plane and leave MY for good. I was READY for it. And I told myself there's no turning back and there won't be any regrets.

Gee...I was so naive...cause I was living in a fantasy.

Until I stepped into 19147 Ingomar St., I started to fall back to reality. I was dreaming of long night passionate love makings but they didn't last as long as I wished; I was dreaming of having the house all by ourselves, but that has to wait for another few months (or years?!); I was dreaming of a caring and understanding husband, but no...not up to my standards!

I guess my marriage or life is still a bed of roses...with lots of thorns in it. It's now up to me how to arrange the roses and how to avoid the thorns. It's not fun to get pricked (by thorns I mean!) but everytime when you do get hurt, you learn something.

No...it wasn't as bad as it seems (although I cried more than I cried at the airport) but with the determination I have now to achieve what I want in my life, I am on the right track. Yes, it's gonna be a bumpy ride, but hey, it wouldn't be fun if it's not, right?

I'm OK...and I will always be.