What the Queer Do I Think!

One Year Ago...

2007-12-22T07:25:00.000-08:00

The year 2007 is almost over. Funny I don't make up crazy resolutions that I used to do. Maybe it's because I will be so busy once school starts again in January, and my only resolution is to pass nursing school. Time flies really. One year from now I'll be done with nursing school. Maybe another one or two months or so, I'll be taking my board to qualify as an RN. Sounds like a good plan to me. After all, this is what I'm here for.

Looking back all these years, I hardly regret anything that I have done. Though there were moments I wish I could turn back the clock, and there were times I wish I could have done better in certain aspects of my life, still I felt contented with what I have right now.

I'd like to see my life as small fragments of events.

One year ago, Choung and I got accepted to nursing school. We were so happy that we thought "this is it! No more worries for the next two years since we got into the nursing program!" Little did we know that waiting to get into nursing school is as hard as getting into nursing school.

Ten months ago, I was given a nickname as "Thai Noodle" by my professor because I'm Asian and my first name happens to sound exactly like the word "Thai." How fucked-up racist could that be? Later, after several name callings, I finally gathered the gut to approach her. She gave an excuse saying "it's only for the sake of recalling."

Nine months ago, we were struggling to get through nursing school. Too much information and yet too little time. We were bombarded with medical terminology, pathophysiology, pharmacology...At one point, I thought they are trying to make us doctors instead of nurses.

Eight months ago, I was shamed in front of my classmates and every person in the hospital lobby because I didn't say "thank you" to the nursing assistant. Later I got a probation because I tried to open my mouth to reason what had happened. And in this nursing school, particularly this professor, you don't have the final say.

Seven months ago, most of us passed the first semester, and we were all relieved...or so we thought.

Five months ago, the nightmare came back. More books to read, and more crazy professors to face. Speaking of crazy, we started our psych clinical rotation for the second semester. Interestingly, I met lots of interesting patients. One of them, whom I will never forget, was a 45 year-old Schizophrenic patient in the critical care unit. He would stand at the corner, looking up the ceiling, and shouting on top of his lungs in Farsi. Later, he told me that the "voice" was telling him to kill his sister and niece. He would scribble words in Farsi in a piece of paper, and told me that the voice wanted him to write down the "tasks" so that he would not forget. On occassions, he would strip down his pants and later explained that the "voice" was commanding him to do so.

Three months ago, no matter how busy my school could be, Brian and I celebrated our two years together.

Two months ago, I fell sick without any signs of warning of its coming. Coincidentally, Brian left town for few days when I got sick. I was terribly ill, and when I got up one night for a sip of water in the kitchen, I got dizzy and blacked out for a split second. The next thing I remembered I was on the floor, breathing and sweating heavily. I had to crawl back to the bed from the kitchen by myself. When Brian came back, he wanted me to see the doctor. But later when we found out that it would cost me two grand, just to walk into an ER, I decided to pop more OTC drugs and "wait and see." With no insurance in this country, and with the virus in me, I thought I was dying, and I totally felt like I was in Michael Moore's Sicko.

One month ago, Brian and I finally registered for domestic partnership. I guess I am stuck with him for the rest of my life *grin*

Three weeks ago, I had to study for my finals. Half of the class was failing. The only thing I wanted was not A's or B's, but to pass the class. At one point, Choung almost gave up. We studied way much than we did in our undergrad studies.

Two weeks ago, we were finally done with our finals! Most of us passed, but there were some who didn't make it.

One week ago, we saw the shrink again. It was our second time visiting. We got nothing much to say except Italy! The only advice he gave was to be as transparent as possible, which I find it hard sometimes. Saying the exact thoughts that I want to say without hurting my significant other is something that I am trying to improve.

Three days ago, we fought again after months of our last fight. We ended up crying in bed, hugging and comforting each other.

Three hours ago, I gave Brian a morning kiss before getting out of bed, and played The Cure's Lovesong repeatedly since then.

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away

I will always love you

However long I stay

I will always love you

Whatever words I say

I will always love you

I Still Believe in Tori Amos

2007-12-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

Last night we were at the Nokia Theatre for Tori Amos' concert. I've been a huge fan of Tori since I was in my uni years. I still remember her Choirgirl album that caught my attention, that led to the obsession, which I could proudly call myself a Toriphile. Well almost. I wasn't particularly crazy about her two previous albums (Scarlet Walk & Beekeeper), and for a personal reason, I stopped listening to Tori since my break up with my ex, who also happens to love Tori.

Talking about that ex, he's visiting next year and staying with us for a few days. It should be interesting to see him again after (silent) all these years.

Tori's concert was good, but for some reasons, I wasn't totally blown away. I love Tori's new album concept of having several characters that portray different type of women. With that saying, Tori took the trouble to change her outfits and wigs several times during the concert. She looked amazing with all the glamarous costumes, and her dramatic theatrical presentation put Cher to shame. But hang on...where's the raw and raunchy Tori that I used to love? Where's the crazy and let-all-the-hair-down Tori that I always felt connected to?

The only song that really reminded me of old Tori was "The Waitress"...which I told myself I had to get her cheap, see-through yet overpriced jersey top that says "I Believe in Peace, Bitch!" Oh well, I still love you Tori Amos.

I love Pussy!

2007-12-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

Aren't they the cutest things in the world?

Got Lady Luck?

2007-12-14T07:25:00.001-08:00

Last night, two classmates of mine, whom I'm quite close with, called me and told me that they failed the finals. That means they won't be able to advance to the next level, but to repeat those classes. Gosh, it must be so hard, cause not only you waste time and money, but to repeat the same boring crazy Psych lecture again?!

One of them moved from SF to LA just for nursing school. Furthermore, she had trouble with her long time girlfriend, and they had to call it a quit eventually. Not fun at all.

I wonder, sometimes, whether our fate depends on our luck or our faith? I've seen single mothers with three kids survive in nursing school, but why not the rest of us? I told Brian that at this point of my life, my number one priority is school. Not Brian, not my family, not my friends. Maybe I'm too selfish. Maybe I'm too narcissistic? But my philosophy is if I don't take care of myself, how can I take care of my loved ones? Oh well, I don't know what I'm babbling about.

Good luck to all those who have made it, or haven't made it.

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly

2007-12-13T13:40:00.000-08:00

Woohoo!!! Finals are finally over! I'm just gonna chill, rest and relax for the next three weeks before the gruelsome nursing school starts. I can't believe I finish first year of nursing school...it's gonna be one more year before I take my board exam to become a certified RN!

So many events are coming up for this holiday and next year.

We saw Bjork last night, and again, she fucking blew me away with her two hours non stop screaming and rocking on the stage. We were dancing throughout the whole concert.

We're seeing Tori this Sunday!!! I'm SO looking forward for that! We're also holding another party before leaving for my trip. And we're seeing Dali next week :)

We have to see the shrink again for marriage counselling. There's nothing really wrong with our relationship but Brian suggests that we should work on our occassional "clashes" that we had. I think he couldn't stand my diva-tantrum-throwing attitude sometimes *grin*. But we are officially married (we signed the domestic partnership recently), without the official ceremony. That has to wait till I'm done with school. No plan yet to move in with him, unless I simply have to. We'll see.

Italy is just less than two weeks to go! Rome, Florence and Venice! I can't wait to see Micaelangelo's David's penis! After coming back from Italy, it's time to plan the trip back home!

Everything seems to flow really well this year. Although school is hectic (and pathetic sometimes), I was able to manage to juggle between school, work and Brian. I guess life goes on, no matter what.

Missing You

2007-06-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

We had a party last night at Brian's house. It was a party to celebrate Rico's (Brian's friend) birthday, Brian's Fulbright of going to China, and my first semester of finishing nursing school. The food was pretty good (too much sweets though!), the companies were not bad, and the weather wasn't too warm. A lot of laughters and cheers, and basically everyone was having a good time. Everyone, except me.

At one point during the party, I recalled the party I had for my birthday back home before I came to LA. Yes, the party last night was exactly the party I had then - lots of people showed up, meeting old friends and new ones, everyone joked and laughed so loud that they had no idea it was almost midnight. Both parties were pretty similiar...except that this time, the feeling was different...my feeling, at least.

But Brian's friends were embracing me like their old friends. A few of them could be crazy and pretentious, but most of them love me for who I am. In fact, Brian constantly told me that his friends love me to death.

But why wasn't I enjoying myself? It was a mixed feeling last night. I invited quite a lot of friends from school and some friends I knew from my ex. Only one person showed up. Great. Maybe the party wasn't exactly intended for me, maybe 3 times reminders were not sufficient to remind people to RSVP...but isn't it a common courtesy if you're not coming, you should let me know? A phone call or email is not too much to ask, isn't it?

I take friendships seriously, but maybe sometimes I took it too personally? Sometimes I feel like I am the one who's doing all the work of gathering friends together, but nobody seems to appreciate what I've done. I wonder, what's the point of involving those whom you think you're close with in your life, when they don't even give a shit bout it?

But the fact is, I am not really close to any one of them. Maybe I was just jealous that Brian and Rico have so many wonderful close friends they've known all their lives. Maybe I just missed the good ol' times I had, with all my good ol' buddies. Nobody elses could ever replace them. I truly wish that I could just snap my fingers and make them appear in front of me.

Brian is leaving for China in one week, and I will be working almost every day and night this week. Now I feel like I'm gonna lose my closest friend for the next five weeks. It's not easy, but I just have to be strong. But at least I have two warm fuzzy fury friends accompanying me when he's away.

Hey YOU, Maddy!

2007-06-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

"Hey you...let's love the earth with my song!"

OMFG! Period. After listening to her latest single "Hey You", I almost puked. It was like listening to Bjork singing "We Are The World". The song is not only way too decent for her, but it's way too cliche for this material girl. C'mon, why is she trying to be a sell out when her last album Confession on a Dancefloor sold more than ten million copies worldwide? Yes, maybe it's for charity, but writing a sing-along-song that is genuinely awful and pointless isn't gonna make any charity to the ears of her fans.

Yes Madonna, we are very aware that our Mother earth is coming to an end, but it's best to leave this matter to Al Gore.

Springtime of the Voodoo Cleaning

2007-05-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of reality tv show, but after watching BBC's How Clean is Your House?, I suddenly became an anal-retentative clean freak! I know, I know...some of you might say I'm way too lazy to be a clean freak, and I'm way too messy to be a neat freak, but that hilarious tv show about ways to clean your house turned me into one of them!

Yesterday, I suggested to Brian that we should do some spring cleanings, since now it's spring time, and it's a three days weekend of Memorial Day. Besides, both of us got nothing exciting to do. We are too domesticated lately to go party or clubbing. And if we're gonna stay at home nesting, we might as well do something nice bout it. Brian, being a typical gay man, isn't all excited bout that idea. But with my charm and persuasian, I was able to drag him to Home Depot to get some cleaning tools.

Once we were in Home Depot, we were totally lost (you know, it's like asking a straight man to shop at Target)! We could not believe how huge the store was, with thousands of brand names just for a cleaning detergent! All of a sudden, the idea of cleaning the house didn't seem to be exciting anymore. But I told myself that we shouldn't give up. I didn't want to end up spending the weekends, being a couch potato and watching Dr. Phil! So eventually we grabbed a mop, a biodegradable toxic-free detergent and two pairs of latex gloves.

Today, after lunch, we planned on cleaning Brian's second room. That's our goal of the day - nothing more, nothing less. The second room is like a changing room, a storage room, a mini library and a cats sanctuary all mixed together. Yes, pretty messy I would say. Interestingly, this room is also used for guests who happen to visit us one day. Sooner or later, we have to clean it up for our guests, so why not now?

First thing first, Brian had to decide what to chuck and what not to chuck away. Then, we decided which part of the room had to be cleaned first. Dust and cat hairs, that have been collected all these whiles, have to be thoroughly brushed and vacuumed. Oh dear, my poor sensitive nose! Next, we had to shift the furnitures around to make the room more spacious. All his books had been rearranged to make sure they were properly grouped by subjects. It ain't an easy task, but we finally got the room all well cleaned and nicely groomed.

The best thing of all, after spending hours cleaning the room, it's the satisfaction you get by just admiring the work you'd done. Of course, Brian wasn't sure if he would do that again, but it's a task that keep us bonded and appreciate each other. Oh, what else can a husband ask for...besides holidays in Europe and endless nights of sex. It's a perfect workout, and time to spend with each other, if only both of us didn't end up arguing which Boy George's poster that had to be thrown away.

Miss Independence vs Miss MILF

2007-05-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! Summer is here and school is finally over! OK, I have had ENOUGH of books for this semester, but I don't mind doing extra patient cares if I have the chance.

Summer is the celebration of love, peace and harmony! Celebration of Choung's birthday (May 23rd), and also my struggle through the first semester of nursing school. Most of all, summer is all about MUSIC! We're going to see Cindy Lauper and Erasure for True Colors Tour in Vegas next week. Then, we'll be seeing the Police before Brian leaves for China. More amazingly, two of my all time favorite artists, Bjork and Tori Amos, just came out with two awesome albums.

Bjork totally blew me away in her last concert in Coachealla. She came out with this amazing colorful costume and cute hat, singing Earth Intruders (1st single in Volta) for her first song. Then, when she did Hunter, I almost died. A lot of the songs she did are mostly from Homogenic album, including Pluto! She also sang Pagan Poetry, which was fantastic. Her encore was Declare Independence, and if you haven't heard of that one yet, you gotta listen to it. It's fucking amazing.

American Doll Posse is Tori's 6th albums, which I personally think she could've done better. But I'm not complaining since I didn't fancy her last album, the Beekeeper. A lot of interesting political views in this album, including the first track Yo George. That song is about how George Bush fucked up America. I didn't really find any mind blowing songs that she used to make, but I personally like Father's Son, Teenage Hustling and Velvet Revolution. I love the cover of the album, which is very similiar to Strange Little Girls, with darker side of it. The "posse" consists of Amos in a number of guises - Santa, Clyde, Isabel, Tori, and Pip.

Now What?

2007-03-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

Finally...after almost 3 months of struggling in nursing school, I get a one week break for Spring. School was overwhelming, but after weeks of trying to figure out the best way to prepare for exams and clinicals, I am really proud of what I've done. Although I'm not scoring A's, but I am happy to learn so many skills and techniques in such a short period of time. Yes, it was a pain in the ass of having to wake up at 4:00 am every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (sometimes even earlier!), and yes my professor is a Nazi bitch, but the results and accomplishments that I achieve so far, and also the valuable knowledge that I gain, give me a sense of satisfaction about this nursing school.

So far, we did:

Trach care
NG tube
Insulin injections
SQ injections
IM injections
and most important of all, patient cares!

So, what's next?

I can do it...I just gotta remember my ABC (Airway, Breathing, Circulation)!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Chrimmus

2006-12-23T12:04:00.000-08:00

Got Friends?

2006-12-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

It's been almost one year since I sadly departed all my beloved friends back home. But honestly, that day when I left seems to feel like yesterday. I still remember the tears that I shed at the airport, and the company of family and friends surrounded me before I said my final goodbye. Yes, it was a moment of pain and joy all mixed together. A moment that I could still feel the shiver in my body when I was hugged, and the taste of saltiness in my throat.

Since then, I was able to connect to friends and family via phone and Internet. Thanks to the modern technology that I am able to know what's going on with those whom I dearly love (although sometimes, it's wonderful to receive a snail mail for a change...get it?). At first, the phone calls and emails were more frequent, but slowly, they are disappearing from your life and you wonder whether Friend A, or B, or A to Z, are still alive. I guess that's the price to pay when you abandon your sisterhood.

Fortunately, the social butterfly in me is capable in making friends. Honestly speaking, I have no problem talking to strangers (no, I'm not just a slut, but a friendly slut) and knowing what they do for fun (literally!) and how the hell they manage to do 18 units per semester while having a full time job. Despite all my charm and super-friendly personality, those friends whom I met (or should I say acquaintances) are somewhat different from those I knew so well that I know their weekends schedule will be spending time with one another.

Although sometimes it sounds so easy for friends to group together and share intimate moments, it actually takes a lot of energy, commitment and mutual respect for that kind of bonds to happen. It takes time, it needs motivation, heck, it even requires money (remember those Starbucks coffees and Fitness First membership?) to strengthen the friendships. Some relationships can be so simple and quick (like meeting someone at gay.com), but true friendships take years to build. But sometimes with careless mistakes, a friendship can be forgotten, forsaken, or even turned sour.

I just wish that will never happen to me, or to any of my friends, because I care to know what they are doing, who they are dating, and what type of dildo they are using. I want to know the cheesecake recipe, the plans of moving to NZ, the adorable lover in UK, the hectic sales job, the men in Shanghai, the DJ career, the speed dating, the HIV, the cancer, and the boxer that licks. Oh yeah, I simply love dramatic true life stories, so do not feel hesitate explaining the bits of explicit details too :)

The Greatest X'mas Gift of All

2006-11-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

I'm happy...I really am. I have to say it's one of the happiest moments in my life.

As Choung and I were driving back from the orientation that we just attended, we felt a sense of overwhelming relief. A relief of not having to wait any longer, hence not wasting more time and money; a relief that we will begin our new career very, very soon. Oh...I can't wait to see what's inside of a man's body, literally!

Before we left, one of the professors told us to mark down today's date, as it will be a memorable day for all of us when we look back in two years time. How true.

As the mellow yet soothing Christmas songs were playing, I was finally able to put a smile on my face. I've come this far to achieve what I want...and it's only the beginning.

"OK, bend over pal. We need to see what you got there."

The Break Up

2006-11-14T09:16:00.000-08:00

I could sense that something was wrong. I looked at him in the eyes, and insisted him to tell me. I even begged him a couple of times. He stared directly into my eyes and mumbled something...something that I didn't want to hear, ever. I was shocked and deeply hurt at the same time. I asked him why? Why did you do this to me? He just kept quiet.

Oh shit...is the breaking up cycle repeating itself? I thought to myself.

After gaining enough courage...I asked him if he fell in love with my best friend. I had to clasp both hands on my face to hear the answer. My heart pounded so fast that I thought I was going to die.

Yes was his answer. "He gave me more attention that I needed" he added.

I choked. I demanded him to stop the car. I started walking back home. I wished he could run after me and tell me that it was not true. But he didn't.

Why? Why? Just barely after one year and we're breaking up? I thought we could live together for a long, long time...or so I thought?

I choked more, until I could feel myself bounced back into reality. As I felt my hand grasped tightly to the blanket, I let out a big sigh of relief. But still, it was the ugliest, most real nightmare that I have ever experienced.

After dragging myself up, the first thing I did was to call Brian and tell him I love him.

I don't know what will ever happen to me without him. But one thing for sure, I don't want to lose him. Not now, not in many, many years to come.

What The Fuck...?

2006-10-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

It's not the greatest movie, but it's worth your popcorns and (pea)nuts.

2006-10-27T14:23:00.000-07:00

I Will Survive!

Broken Glasses

2006-08-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

It's almost midnight and I made a loud noise in your kitchen. You woke up and looked concerned, asking how were your cats. I told you they were fine. You didn't quite bother about me and went back to bed.

I felt disappointed.

Could this be a test for us to live together? I'm not asking for a bed of roses, but at least a hug will greatly console my feelings.

I guess sometimes nobody is going to be there to clean up the shit that you've made.

DARE to Face the TRUTH!

2006-06-28T00:28:00.000-07:00

Few weeks ago, my brother told me that he decided to become a vegetarian. At first, I thought he did it for his health, but that's not the reason. The reason is simple - he doesn't want to involve in animal killings.

When I was ten, the inquisitive me asked my aunt (who was then a dedicated Buddhist) why do we eat meat when the teaching of Buddha prohibits us to kill? She simply answered, "because we are not the ones who actually do the killing." If I have the chance to meet her again, I will tell her that she was wrong. How do you get to eat those animals if you don't help killing them? Make sense, doesn't it?

But still, many of us ignore the fact that the animals that we "kill" everyday is due to daily human consumption of meats. According to animalcruelty.com, we kill over ten billion of animals annually for our meals. Or maybe we are too "chicken" to face the fact that animals are actually suffering from the act of humans?

One of my colleagues told me that it's "natural" to eat animals. I wonder, does that mean all those who don't consume meats are considered un-natural, weirdo and abnormal? Another girl said it's all about circle of life. She commented, "I eat those animals, and when I die, those bacteria will eat my body too." Yeah, but are you forced to die for the sake of those bacteria? Will you be suffering for those hungry eating micro creatures? Sometimes it's all about common sense.

Some may argue that eating plants, vegetables and fruits is also considered as killing, but we have to survive to continue living in this world. There's no scientific evident stating that cutting a celery will cause it to suffer. Cutting a chicken at its throat is a whole different story.

It's up to you to judge what is right...and what is wrong. Pictures are courtesy from all-creatures.org

Double beef burgers, anyone?

If these pictures make you sick, think about it when you eat those burgers/steaks.

Imagine yourself in its position. If I were you, I rather eat salad.

Animals are NOT meant to be experimented! Just because they can't voice out their rights doesn't mean that they should be tortured and suffered in pain.

The next time before you purchase any animal products, such as fur, for the sake of vanity...think about those who suffer and die for the sake of you.

Cats are waiting to die for bowl of soups in Korea. Imagine that's your own pet dog.

Dogs are being tied and suffocated before being hung and slaughtered for meat in Korea. Dogs are men's best friends? Or men are dog's worst enemies?

What's so great about kosher or "halal" beef? One thing for sure is those animals suffer more than normal slaughtering.

Sorry for making your stomach upset because those pictures are meant to do that. They are also reminders for all of us that animals have the right to survive in this earth. The only person to stop these cruelty begins with you. Here are some tips to help those animals and help yourself:

Go vegan or vegetarian!
Participate in local animal support such as SPCA.
Stop buying animals from pet shops! Adopt animals instead!
Get your pets "fixed", especially dogs and cats.
Sign a petition to urge Korean government to ban consumption of dogs and cats!!! Your 30 seconds signature will help save thousand of dogs and cats in Korea. (View video on dogs slaugthering)
Spread the words to every person you know & spread LOVE to all the animals.

"The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men." ~ Alice Walker

I Gotta Confess This!

2006-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

I know most of you will be so jealous of me, but I can't help but to say, "Yes! I have finally seen Madonna in concert" (since we missed her in Cochella Music Festival). The thought of me going to Madonna's Confession concert didn't actually sink into my brain until the very few last minutes before the show started. I wasn't particularly excited about it as there were so many things happened in my life lately, but it didn't hurt to boogie-woogie with my Honey and 16,000 other fans!

With the LARGE sum of money that Brian paid (Maddy ain't cheap!), I think the seats weren't that fantastic. We were slightly high up and about maybe 80 meters from the stage, but we paid the same amount of money as those who were up front and near the stage (like 4 feet!). But the good thing is, we could see the whole view clearly, so I shouldn't be complaining.

The whole concert started out with Madonna hidden inside a huge disco ball. As the dancers started appearing on the stage, people screamed and clapped with anticipation. The disco ball then opened up to reveal the sexy yet elegant Madonna. You can say whatever you want, but at the age of 48, she looks stunningly amazing than some in the 30s or even 20s. Thanks to the hours of yoga and pilates that she's been practicing so religiously.

She did most of the songs in her Confession on A Dance Floor album, but also covered some old songs like "Like A Virgin", "La Isla Bonita", "Ray of Light" (which was fucking awesome), "Substitute For Love" and "Live To Tell", which we didn't expect it. In "Live To Tell", she was hung in a giant Crucifix, symbolizing Jesus. Symbols of other religions, which were made up of dots of red blood cells, were displayed on the huge screen. There was also a video montage where it showed clips of images of political people like George Bush, Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Tony Blair, etc, and also words like "Don't Talk" and "Don't Speak", with background music of "Sorry". Obviously, the lyrics of that song were meant to be political, and the message was clear.

I think the hottest song she did was "I Love New York"! Although the song sounds silly, she did it so differently from the album version and it's amazingly rock! She also played the guitar on her own, with her kick ass leather outfit. And of course, her first hit single "Hung Up" that shook the whole stadium crowds, which ended the concert...with no encore, unfortunately.

What I love about Miss M is her charismatic and energetic attitude and personality. You can tell that her vocal has improved, as she's no longer just a performer, but she could actually sing. Her dance movement, although didn't quite match Janet's, was perfected with her group of dancers. Madonna was definitely not selfish when it comes to showing off her yoga poses and body flexibility. She could actually put one of her legs up on her shoulder within split seconds...I think I still couldn't believe what I was actually seeing.

Among all the concerts I've seen so far, Madonna's concert is by far the most vibrant, mind stimulating and worth the money.

Two thumbs and one penis up for Maddy!

Day of Silence

2006-04-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

It's not only the day to protest discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, but also a day to protest any type of discrimination that has happened around the globe.

Glad to be at GLAAD

2006-04-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

Brian and I went to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) Media Awards (something like Gay Oscar) few weeks ago as an invitation to be chaperons to some of his students. Seriously, we were such bad chaperons cause all we cared was to get tickets to attend the Awards. We even left them behind after the Awards because we couldn't locate them!

Anyway, we had a blast time there. All we did was looking at gorgeous gay men walking around, and having yummy finger foods to fill our tummy before the show started. There were silence auction fair booths outside of the huge Kodak Theatre, selling stuff from gay cruise to porns. It was also my first time in the theatre, and I've never felt more like a star that night.

What really blew me away about this Awards was not the men in suits, but how gay people stood up for their rights during the two hours show. The Awards started with flash presentation of gay people coming out to their families and friends, and gay characters star in movies and films, and also how people protest against homosexuality which leads to hate crimes. At the end of the presentation appeared a famous quote by Alice Walker -

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you."

THAT totally blew the fucking mind out of me!

Jessica Alba presented the first Award for Outstanding Drama Series, which was won by The L World. There were a few presenters such as Garry Marshall and Judy Gold, who were outrageously funny, that kept us entertained. What is more interesting was a cast from TransGeneration proposed on stage to his girlfriend...WOW! Now THAT you don't see everyday in life. I totally solute him for doing that.

Melissa Etheridge and Charlize Theron both accepted Awards for outstanding achievement in music and film respectively. Too bad Melissa didn't perform that night, but she sure gave a great speech that inspires every young gay people in America to come out and fight for their rights. Charlize, with her humble personality, is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. While accepting the Award, she mentioned about her boyfriend, and one of the audiences asked if he's cute. She replied, "yes...but back off!"

An event like this does make a difference in most gay people's life. It does not only inspire, but also provide comfort for those who are still searching for their true identity. Homosexuals have long been discriminated, and just like what Melissa Etheridge said, it is time for us not only to stand up for our rights, but to fight against inequality that existed around the world.

Nacerima Idol

2006-03-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

Melissa McGhee left today, leaving 11 Kelly-Clarkson-wannabes to compete with each other in the American Idol. Seriously, if not because of Choung's influence, I wouldn't have watched that show. I'm not an avid fan. Besides, I hardly have time to watch it since I started working during the evening. But I left work early last night and tonight, so I get to see some parts of it.

Our prediction (mine and Choung) for the top 3 finalists are (in no particular order):

1) Chris Daughtry - HOT! HOT! HOT!
2) Katherine McPhee - HOT! HOT! HOT! (her voice I mean)
3) Mandisa - You Go Grrrrrrl!

I can't believe Lisa Tucker is one of the bottom 3s. She has such an amazing voice for a 16 year old!

By the way...I don't know Harry Potter can sing!!!

Enough About Brian...for a while.

2006-03-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

OMG, OMG, OMG...if only there's a God exists in this world! I have been so fucking busy lately that I can hardly have time to slow down and breathe. As some of you know, I started working as a tutor in the Anatomy lab, but the pay is so low that I can't afford to buy myself a dildo. What Brian said is right - we are all prostitutes of the world! We work our ass off (no pun intended), but still we earn so little that some of us barely have enough money to buy clothes that can completely cover our bodies (have you seen the Oscar lately?). In my case, I'm a cheap whore!

But I shouldn't be complaining. I know it's hard to struggle between work and study here. As long as I get used to it, I'll be OK. But the thing is, it's fucking challenging to be a tutor. You might think that it's an easy task because most of the tutors just hang around until somebody asks them questions. Uh uh...that's not the case for me. Last Saturday Anatomy class was a disaster because half of the students in the room are polished cheaters during a quiz. Coincidentally, most of the polished cheaters are Armenians (maybe it's "correlational"...hmm...I've learned that word in somewhere). I'm not trying to be racist (even though all of us are RACIST! THAT I learned from my sociology class), but I can't understand that why some of the gorgeous looking Armenian men have to fucking cheat in the class that I'm tutoring? Maybe that's what makes them attractive because they are bad (like pretty girls love bad guys)?

Talking bout Sociology class, we are getting into some really hard core political issues that everyone's been avoiding to discuss bout - FAGGOTISM. It was so funny that the other day, there was this guy (terribly straight) who gave a presentation on how mass media influences our daily lives. All of a sudden, he was talking bout Brokeback Mountain, saying that it's rated PG "whatever"...but he can't even fucking say the word GAY in front of the class. It's like if you say that dirty nasty word, you are part of the dirty nasty counterculture (another fancy word I learned...I'm so proud of myself *grin*)! Some people should just GROW THE FUCKING UP! And another funny story is, my Sociology lecturer (a cool gal who's so cool that I can't even describe her in words), asked the class one day that if Homosexuality should be practised, and if gays should be allowed to get married. One of the faggotphobic guys raised his hand and protested by giving reasons like Adam and Eve and God and OMFG. It's OK if you're a Jesus' son (as if I care), but if you're in a Sociology class (especially the one that I'm in), you better keep that shit to yourself.

OK, enough flaming!!!! Sometimes it feels so good to just let it out, you know what I mean? Like the peak excitement you get in bed...or toilet.

I started going to gym too, so my life is not so bad after all. But going back to gym feels like walking around with your 200 pounds of balls. The gym is so different than Fitness First back home. It's old and the music sucks really bad (can you imagine working out while listening to "Moon River"?). The stationary bikes and machines are from the Olympic museum. Even the locker and shower room doesn't appeal to me (not that I am attracted to places like that...)! Our instructor, shaved head and tanned skin, is kinda cute...but from the chest up. Maybe the treadmills are not large enough to fit him.

Seriously, I love my college. I think it's beautiful, unique and serene in it's own way. With squirrels running around and chasing each others for mating; and the bookstore that sells overpriced books and I still don't know why people buy from them; and occassionally you'll see scribbled phrases around you like "tap your feet if you need blowjob" while pooping in the library toilet; I think my college is undeniable a comfortable, interesting and exciting college that one could ask for. Do you know that William Hung used to be a student here? Now how exciting could that be?

Annoying Accent

2006-03-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

Usually I am so attracted to those who have strong English/British accent, for no particular reason, like Robbie William *wink*. But OMFG, if that nerdy, campy looking tutor opens his mouth again, I'm getting my ass out of this computer lab!

Hippo Valentine's Day!

2006-02-27T15:36:00.000-08:00

There are no words that can describe how much I love my Honey Hippo!

Garlic Poetry

2006-02-13T07:16:00.000-08:00

Brian, Choung and I went to a party that was organized by Brian's friends last Saturday. The party is called Garlic Poetry, and is held every year, sometime near Valentine's Day because most of his friends think that Valentine's Day is a fucked up, lonely day for single people. I'm sure glad that I'm not single anymore!

Most of the people attended the party are Brian's close friends from college. Like the name of the party suggests, many of the dishes served were garlicy and yummy! After too much food and some beers, people started to gather around the living room, where some people would do some preformances in front of the audience.

No, I did not perform due to my shy personality *giggle*, but Brian did instead. He wrote a poem about me and I almost cried half way through it. It went like this:

My asian Malaysian man

laughter honey,
my pao pei,
he is
Temple Sunsets
tapioca coconut milk
he is a cherry hyman
tea room sympothies
my cat will lean his weight on our legs in bed
through us, the annihilation of the United we stand
is it his Asianess opening towards fortune
taking flight towards the melting wax glow of the sun ray
a union between sea, air, feather, earth and time, hesitation, freedom
foolishness, love

no one reveals him more than him and I
no one resurrects him more than when we are cum naked in knotted sheet
no one manipulates our love more than him and I
restricted no more
catch a wing
in flight
heat challenged
in unison
for in this risk of love comes Buddha Krishna Christ Allah
for in this risk of love comes a lifetime
collectively saturated in the light of my family, you my friends
the light of pasts futures
sultry recklessness
for this is where we fires fly
despite adversity
for it is in fire from wick and wax
that "we" intensifies
bonded collectively

surrendering to each other

in peace

Although I must admit that I didn't understand some of the meaning of the words, I was melted...in LOVE!

I love you Brian Jacobs!

Jingle This, Jingle That

2005-12-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

It's been mixed feelings this holiday seasons. A part of me happy because I get to rest for one week before the winter semester starts; another part of me feels lonely because Brian is not here to celebrate the holidays with me. Brian is now in India, walking for peace. I'm really proud of him doing that but...he should be here spending my first X'mas here in LA!!! I miss him terribly that I can cry!

Apart from struggling for finals (which ended today! Praise the Lord!), there were so many exciting news happened lately.

First of all, Choung, my best friend from NC, decided to come to LA to study nursing with me! That really thrills me! It's unbelievable after 15 years of friendships, we finally go back to study at the same college! How amazing friendship is! I can't wait to rent an apartment for ourselves and cook meals together. It'll be so awesome.

Jaime, my college friend, has left for Pasedena college few days ago. Boohoo...all the best Jaime! We'll miss you!

Yesterday, out of nowhere, my ex called me. What an impeccable time! I mean it's holiday seasons and Brian is not around, he somehow got me distracted. We talked, for almost one hour, about everything except Brian. The reason? Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I don't think I still have feelings towards him, but I still care for him...as a friend. He hinted me this and that...I'm not sure what exactly he wants, but I have a strong feeling that he wants me back! It's so fucking scary, but I know what I want, and all I want is Brian.

But Brian is not here...

Edwina is going to Palm Spring with Yuddith, leaving me all alone here...lucky bitches! Have fun grrrrrrrrls!

Brian is still not here...

Oh yeah, I just found out that my good exclassmate is a drag...or at least he likes to dress up as a girl. (S)he looks really pretty with her tudung on. Wow! Another exciting news for this X'mas and I'm happy that he's coming out to me! :) Abby! You go grrrrrrrrrrl!

My roommate, Lance, is throwing a party for X'mas this Sunday. All of us have to get a 10 dollars gift to exchange. Where and what the fuck am I gonna get? Thanks for letting me know NOW! The thing is, I don't have a car, and there's no shopping malls around my neighborhood. I don't know, maybe I just give away my worn g-strings.

Still, Brian won't be back till January.

OK, this is the most depressing blog I've ever written. Maybe I am like what Brian said, some Americans get depressed because they are alone during the holiday seasons.

So am I addicted to Brian? Am I addicted to my emotional state where I won't be happy without Brian around me? Is this addiction healthy? Or it is merely a phase that I just have to go through? Besides, we just got to know each other for 2 months.

Maybe what Choung said is correct...maybe I am too demanding of Brian. For fucking sake, he's half way around the globe walking for peace! What else can you demand from him?

Patience...patience is a virtue...that's what they say.

If only he's here...

Bareback Mountain

2005-12-16T14:00:00.000-08:00

Haha...that's the joke that we made when we went to see the show.

Brian and I went to see that movie last week once it was released. Brian couldn't resist watching that movie because it was a gay film; and I couldn't resist watching that film because of Heath Ledger!!! He's sooooo cute and sexy, cuter than Jake Gay...whatever.

The film was pretty interesting...at the beginning. It's stimulating to see both men (2 straight actos may I remind you) trying to fuck each other. Well, what else was there to do for two men in the middle of the mountain, hundred miles from destination, with a bunch of sheeps? You either fuck each other or fuck the sheeps, get it?

The kissing part was really beautiful and sexy. They were sort of in love with each other, but had to go seperate ways because it was 1963 in Wyoming. I'm not going to tell you the rest of the story because some of you might curse me to death. But what I'm trying to say is, this so called gay movie, or a movie where 2 cowboys fell in love, is so fucking cliche. It's like 2 straight people falling in love, and have to go seperate ways for some reasons, and ended up in regrets because they couldn't be together. Sounds familiar? Yeah...BORING!

"Are we too gay to enjoy this movie?" Brian asked me.

I totally agreed. The thing is this movie is about 2 gay cowboys, discovered that they were attracted to each other (or men), and had to struggle to keep their relationship alive. That is so yesterday don't you think? We've all been there done that, so move along bitch! Show us something more interesting on gay characters. We are different, so puuuhleasee...give us something new besides RuPaul! Not some boring, ordinary and shitty love story.

The fact is...Hollywood is very much dominated by straight people. The WORLD is still very much dominated by straight people. Most of them don't know much about gay love or relationships. Therefore, this movie acts like an eye opener for them. That could be the reason why Brokeback got nominated the most for the Oscars.

Another sad thing is, did you realize that most of the gay films end in tragedy? A good example is Philadelphia, starring Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington. Why must we see our "society" in a negative way? Why can't we be happy and merry like most "straight" movies? Instead of showing a positive side of gay people, they rather focus more on the darker side of us.

One of the critics wrote:
"This is a noble experiment, but one which has failed." - Eric Lurio, Greenwich Village Gazette.

Brokeback failed to truly express the beauty of gay relationships. It also failed to understand why 2 men (or 2 women) can actually fall in love with one another.

Suddenly, the title "Bareback" Mountain seems to sound more appropriate for this movie.

Say NO to Animal Cruelty!

2005-12-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

Nope, I'm not asking you to turn into vegetarians (but if you can, what's the harm?), but merely to share with you on this webpage I found. I was doing my speech on animal cruelty and I came across this cool website that reveals many shocking facts on how animals are being treated by human beings today.

Lives are precious, and so are theirs. Please have some compassions to all animals because they have the rights to live like us too.

So please, spread the words around to your loved ones and fight against animal cruelty today!

Am I Bitter?

2005-12-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

Brian and I fought last night and causing so much drama before we went to bed. This was the 4th time we had a major arguement after 2 months knowing each other. I'm not sure whether that is considered healthy, but I'm sure we are so much into each other.

Two days ago I was struggling with my English research paper. I was desperately asking for his help since he's an English teacher (no, I'm not dating him because of that!), but it turned out that the his help wasn't that I expected. But anyway, it's over. I am so glad that I handed in my paper, and that's the last time I have to deal with it. Even I get a stupid B for it, I am not bitter.

So yesterday, Brian asked to stay over since Lance is out of town (yippie!). Of course I agreed without hesistation. Having Brian is the best thing ever happened to me since I came to LA, and having him coming over makes me feel happy like a little boy on his birthday. So I decided, after my horribly boring English class, to shop at one of the Mexican supermarkets and cook us dinner. A romantic dinner.

I'm not a good cook, sorry to say that, but cooking for Brian made me all excited. I wanted to please him so much, and by cooking, it's a way for me to say I care for him. The only recipe I mastered since I'm here is noodle with soup. Thanks to Martin for his delicious recipe. I have no problem cooking that dish anytime.

So I rushed home, and hoping that I had enough time to cook the meals in time before he arrived. Within one and a half hour, I finally finished cooking the soup and noodle. I have to say I was proud of myself. Not because of the food, but because I had made an effort to make our relationship grows.

I made each of us lemonade (I know, we are both still kids), and lit 2 candles to put on the table.

Brian arrived few minutes later, and as usual, he started complaining how terrible his day was. I don't mind hearing all those, because sometimes I do complain like an old granny. He was kinda surprised when he saw me cooking dinner for him. So, we had a great time at dinner.

After finishing dinner, Brian asked if he could watch Apprentice on tv. What the fuck is Apprentice? Watching tv? I thought you're tired?

First of all, I can't understand why people, especially Americans, can't live without tv. Secondly, Brian complained he was tired and exhausted, but why must he watch tv instead of cuddling with me?

I wasn't exactly pissed, but I was disappointed.

The worst thing is, I started to go into my so-called "passive aggressive" mode. Brian once told me, when we had our last fight, that I have this kinda behavior. Passive what? Am I even close to being aggressive? Whatever the fuck is, it means you keep all your disappointments and regrets to yourself, and you sulk like nobody's business. And you wait for the best time to explode, such as before bedtime. *grins*

It wasn't a beautiful fight last night...it was totally ugly and unhealthy. He started complaining how much he's giving in this relationship, and his statements made me feel like I'm not doing anything at all. It's like you're cripple and he has to push the fucking wheelchair feeling. Get it? So taking the trouble to cook for you is not giving enough? I didn't say that out though, so I just shut the fuck up.

Brian could be so direct sometimes it scares me. I guess it's a cultural thingy, but c'mon, you're with an Asian partner, you gotta be more sensitive sometimes! I have stopped pointing at your Jewish people, haven't I?

Whatever it is, I still can't get over with last night's fight. I just don't understand why can't I say exactly what I wanted to say when I am not satisifed with him? Is it because of fear? Or because of ego? And I can't understand why can't he sense how I feel when I'm not satisfied? Is it so hard to do that? Am I not transparent enough?! Should I just shout on top of my lungs for the sake of him knowing?

This time it really hit me hard. I wanted to know if I'm the culprit. I wanted to know is it because of my behavior that all my past relationships failed? How much should I give in order to make this relationship works?

RENT - Seasons of LOVE!

2005-11-29T07:31:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure whether this movie is going to be shown in Malaysia, but if you get the chance to see it, PLEASE DO! It's brilliant, beautiful, soul touching and more importantly, it's about Bisexuals, Gays, Lesbians and Transgenders!

Brian, Choung and I cried like BIG BABIES! We loved it! I'm sure most of you would too!

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love? How about love?

Measure in love.

Seasons of love.

One Monniversary

2005-11-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

Brian gave me that flowers last week for our one month together! He's such a Sweetheart! His cat looks soooooooo adorable! Just like him! Brian calls her Radiohead because her face looks like the lead singer of Radiohead. He's so silly! :)

OUT, LOUD & PROUD!

2005-11-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

I am totally pissed! Well, not because Brian could not "feed" me more than I can take, but because I just had a hot fuming controversial conversation with my ex. Everything went well at first; we were talking bout his life in Australia and my life in the States. Then we started talking bout gay life in Australia and he started making comments about gay people. It went like this:

(after 20 minutes of chatting...)
Ex: I think people have the wrong impression of gays because they party too much. I hate the image created by gay men, especially during Mardi Gras.
Me: I disagree with you.
Ex: Gay people are famous for being lusty and they never contribute to the society like the so called normal people.
Me: Why do you have to be so critical about yourself and other gay men?
Ex: And they are famous for AIDs
(at that moment I was FUCKING PISSED!!!)
Me: You are being so stereotype! Not ALL GAY MEN contribute to AIDS! What bout hookers and drug users?!
Ex: That's right, but people perceive that as the truth.
Me: Well why the fuck do you care about other people think? What do YOU think?
Ex: Haha...then you have to live in your own corner - gay country or gay community.
Me: That's why I'm here! And I hold my bf's hand when we're out side walking.
Ex: Well, try to do that in Iran. You're being selfish.
Me: Why do you think I'm selfish?!
Ex: Becuase you can do that and others can't.
(WHAAAAAAT???)
Me: Well, I worked my ass to come over here, it's not easy OK!!!
Ex: Gay men are great scientists and successful IT people, but they don't contribute that skill. All they care is partying in Mardi Gras.
Me: OMG, why are you being so critical about it? You're so shallow!
Ex: I might be shallow, but I care about gay men. I am proud to be one.
Me: If you care, stop being so critical and judgemental about US!
Ex: But other people will be critical on us because of the images we created.
Me: But the way you said it...you're being OVER concerned about how other people see you as gay!
Ex: Imagine if gay men are like those heterosexual people, parents won't discriminate their children. They are concern abou their children because of many stories they heard. They hear too many bad things bout gay people!
Me: Are you talking bout your parents? Sorry honey, but your parents gotta lots to learn. You are the one who suppose to educate them. Not them listening to other craps that they heard outside!
Ex: Well did you do that?
(I was FUMING!)
Me: Well, I'm out to my parents. It was hard at first, but eventually we talked about my bf here before I was leaving for LA...so what do you think?!
Ex: That's eventually.
Me: Well, at least I tried my best. Better than NEVER!!
Ex: If you think that's a great success, then I must say that you're shallow.
(GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!)
Me: I don't say that's a success, but at least I told that who I am! I want them to love me for who I am!!!
Ex: They know, but do they accept from the heart?
Me: Oh shut up! You gotta grow up! You have a lot of self hatred in you and I don't know WHY!!!
Ex: Don't talk to me about hatred...I'm a Buddhist and I know what hatred is.
Me: Well, not accepting yourself for who you are equals to self hatred!
(Then we spent almost 5 minutes talking bout Buddhism *rolls eyes*)
Ex: When gay still exist in this world, there will never be equality.
Me: OMG, you're so full of shit!
Ex: "Gay" people should disappeared, then there's equality in this world.
(I don't know why the fuck he used apostrophe for the word Gay...)
Me: Then you wish you never exist in this world?
Ex: When you have gay in your heart, you'll never let go of it yet.
(Don't ask me what THAT means!)
Me: So what? You're gay in a straight man body?
Ex: I accept it as it is.
(Whatever!)
Me: Why do you condemen gay people? Why can't you accept you as yourself and gay people as themselves?
Ex: I didn't condemn gay people. You are condemning me.
(I wish he's beside me so I can give him a nice tight slap)
Me: OMG, they have the right to live in this world!!! WE have the right to live in this world!

I don't know whether online chatting is a bad communication that leads to misunderstanding and misinterpretation between the 2 of us; or that both of us totally have different views about being gay.

I was pissed and disappointed with the things that he said. He never changed a fucking single bit. He's still the same old person whom I used to date. The ONLY ex that dumped me because of his parents. Great.

But then I felt thankful that we seperated because we are totally different in terms of living as a gay person. He dislikes parties, socializing and big events; and me, on the other hand, like everything the opposite. Sometimes opposites do attract, but sorry, not this one!

Of course I wish him well and hope that one day, he realizes that being gay is NOT suicide. And being gay is being OUT, LOUD & PROUD!!!

Itchy Pussy Night

2005-11-01T17:52:00.000-08:00

"Damn...my pussy's need to be scratched...HARD!"

Happy Smelly-Pussy Halloween!!! :)

How Open Is Your Mangina?

2005-10-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, you heard me right. All gay men have vaginas...that doesn’t only imply to the sisterly bottoms ONLY, but also to those who claim themselves versatiles or tops. It’s the way God created us...they don’t call us QUEER for no reason right?

Anyway I’m dating this guy, B, who is a real queer. Open minded but sensitive; Energetic yet mellow in behavior; Soft in personality but rough in bed; Campy yet funky; Wild yet tame; Goes around the world for peace walk but doesn’t mind showing off his middle finger; Soft spoken but his favorite curse word is FUCK.

I had to ask if he was high in drugs. No, thank God. Or maybe he has a split personality?

B opened up the meaning of the GAY world to me (ahem…because he’s soooo gay!) which is so different back home. We did all the things that a heterosexual couple would do – long passionate kissing in the restaurant on the first date; and holding hands while walking around the museum on the second.

To tell you the truth, I was pretty nervous initially although I’m a queen who craves for attention. There were stares and glances all over us. A man looked at us like we come from Jupiter. But it was fun…knowing that you can be openly gay in certain areas in LA.

What I learnt so much from B is – it actually feels REALLY good just being open and be yourself. I don’t give a damn if my classmates think I’m gay and I don’t even think twice by saying the words like “my bf”. The aliens from Mars and Venus (straights) would give you a funny stare, but eventually they have to get used to the Jupiterians in this planet Earth.

Being open to the rest of the world is one thing, and being open to yourself and to your lover is another issue.

We don’t call ourselves queers for nothing. We are born special with talents and tastes. If we keep on giving shits on what the rest of the world think of us, we end up living in miseries.

God bless the Queers,
Miss Vaginalla.

Honey, We Don't Have All Night!

2005-10-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided to sleep over at Chris' place after the 1st date. Yeah I know it's too soon, but I don't wanna end up knowing his dick is only 3 inches long after 3 months of dating. I can't afford to waste my 18 years of youthfulness beating around the bushes, can I?

Everything went fine. He picked me up from school, wearing his favorite irresistable cologne that drives me crazy. He cooked us dinner - pasta with cream sauce, sauted zucchini and brocolli, and delicious tangy flavored shrimps. Most of them are from the packets or Ralphs, but I don't mind all that.

He baked me banana cake...after I told him that my favorite fruit is banana. He made me banana milkshake early in the morning before I went to school again. (He fed me with his own banana after all the desserts that we had, which I was glad that it wasn't 3 inches long.)

How domestic...does that mean he's a...bottom?! Gosh, saying that sends a shiver down my spine.

So, I decided to explore more. After all the kissings and huggings, he asked if he could massage me with aromatheraphy oil. I nodded with anticipation of course. It wasn't exactly a big turn on, partly because I was so ticklish all over; and another part is he's doing more caressing rather than massaging. *roll eyes*

So after the massage we continued kissing...then hugging...then kissing...then hugging...

MORE *roll eyes*

I love kissings and huggings, mind you. But I simply don't have the mood and time to kiss and hug all night long! While my hard on is still on, you better do something before it turns off!

So I waited...impatiently, but dare not say a word to hurt his feelings, until I couldn't stand anymore, I fell asleep! Seriously, I was so fucking tired after the classes I had the whole morning and afternoon. Not to mention the late night before just to finish my assignments. I'm not saying that I just want to have sex and get off, but kissing and hugging for more than 1 hour is more than I can bear.

It wasn't the worst sex I had, but definitely not the sex that I wanted too!

The question of whether he's a bottom still haunted me. I know I know...I should've asked the first time we chatted online. But I'm just a girl, I make mistakes.

So I finally made up my mind to tell him that we should just be friends and bla bla bla...but how can I do that without actually hurting his feelings when he's so all over me?

If we keep on seeing each other...we'll be having bean curd desserts instead of banana cakes, banana milkshakes or just bananas.

I'm in Love...

2005-10-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

...with a violin player. Especially when he was playing the sad and depressing Irish song "Danny Boy", I almost in tears. Gosh, he looks so deliciously sexy and I have never thought that a violin player could actually turn me on.

On and off, he gave a quick glance at me during his play. I know he wants me....I can tell from his eyes. He's just too shy to say it out.

Oh my...I can't get him out of my head. I can still see so vividly the intense expression of his face, the jerky movement of his body and the glances that he threw at me just melted me away.

If only we were alone that time...

Future Uncertainty

2005-09-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

My good friend, Choung, and I have been discussing whether he should get into nursing program. You see, Choung has a Bachelor's degree in Biochemistry and also a Master degree in Food studies. He's been studying, and struggling to work part time, all his life.

But why nursing when you have a Master degree in other field, you may ask?

The answer is simple - to obtain a precious ticket to live in the world of America, or better known as a green card.

Choung was looking high and low for jobs but to no avail. Apparently, it's not easy to be employed over here, even though you have higher educations. It's even harder after the terror of September 11.

What I admire most about Choung is his courageous and strong will attitude. He never gives up easily and always strive for the best. He is willing to sacrifice his time, money and effort to do nursing...that's like another 2 or 3 years of studying!

It's never easy to be an immigrant in this foreign land. Come to think about it, I realized that we, Malaysian Chinese, were also "immigrants" in our homeland. We always struggle to secure a place in the university due to the quota system; we have to work harder for our own future - paying loans and taxes; and we will never ever climb up to the top of the political ladder (not that I'm interested in politics, I'm just making an example here)

And because of all these obstacles we were facing during our childhood till now, we were polished, through the hard ways, to be tougher and adaptive to challenges. And I'm not just saying about Malaysians...I'm talking about Asians as a whole.

We used to despise the way Singaporean's attitude of being "kiasu". Deep down inside us, we are "kiasu" too. It's a competitive world out there honey...if you fall and fail to climb up again, you will be left behind the rest (Just like gay men, if you are not pretty, or doesn't have a ripped body, chances of getting hooked up is slim, RIGHT?!) I hate to say this but sometimes it's good to be "kiasu" and "kiasi".

While Edwina and I were walking to grab a bite after school, she complained how competitive her class was. Seriously, I'm not surprised at all because almost half of her class are Asian students. Asians tend to be more serious about their work, and work harder for their grades. Especially for international students like me and Edwina, we pay at least 10 times more for our tuition fees than the Americans. So that sort of forcing us to work even harder.

If only life is fair...but it will never be fair. NEVER. It's up to you to decide what is best for yourself because nobody is going to do that for you.

So Choung, no matter what you decide for your future, I have faith in you to do the best. No matter what happens, you have me as a good friend to support you in every way I could. That is because I am honored to be your friend.

God bless :)

PS - this post is not intended to stir up any flame on racist issues...so chill people.

C is for Cibai

2005-09-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

I am pissed!!! I really am…I know this may sound a bit too dramatic or childish for you guys, but I just couldn’t believe that I got a fucking 7 out of 10 for my anatomy quiz today. A fucking SEVEN!!! That’s a fucking C!!! And C stands for Cibai!!! And we gay men hate Cibais!!! (By the way, an “A” stands for Adorable American-man, that’s two AAs for that matter…which sad to say, I didn’t even close to him…or that.)

There’s no excuse for not doing well in those quizzes cause they are like kacang putih for me…or anyone in fact. I studied hard for it, and I should get better grades than that. At least a B (Big Bodied Boys) doesn’t sound so ….Bad.

And don’t try to console me cause it won’t do any good!!! It’s over!!!

OK, I’m feeling better now. It’s time to go back to pictures of naked men, with labels like Pubis (pubic), Inguen (groin) and Gluteus (buttock). Thank God no Mamma (breasts) or Cibai.

Amen.

No More I Love Yous

2005-09-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

I hate to publish a post regarding to my past, especially the ones that are depressing enough to make you yawn, because that means boring to some of you! But I promise this is the last one.

Yesterday while I was busy doing my assignment for my Chicano Studies (Don't ask!) online, I bumped into Y on msn. Being the princess of me, of course I would keep quiet until he clicked on me, which I thought would never happen. (FYI, he sent my phone bills and bank statements to my new address without any notice...no sms-es...no calls)

But I was wrong.

Y: *wink*

I felt a bit hesitated to answer at first.

Me: Hey how are you?
Y: Good. How is school?
Me: Busy...too much assignments...(bla bla bla)
Y: That's what you're here for, no?
Me: Yeah.

We chatted for another few minutes until my coursemate called - he was waiting at my front door.

Me: I gotta go, my coursemate is here. We have to...bla bla bla (Why would I even want to explain to him?!)
Y: OK. Love you byebye.
Me: Love you, bye.
Y: *wink*

I don't know if I should've said that...but I did it so naturally that I didn't even realize it - whatever that means. Did he say that just because he wants to be polite? Cause he said that to all his friends anyway...Will we ever be friends again?

Maybe I said that cause I was excited talking to him. Maybe it's just the beginning of a great friendship. Maybe I just missed him too much. Maybe like him, I was just being polite? Maybe....Maybe not.

Whatever it is, I take back the words I said in the last blog bout him.

I forgive and hopefully I will forget.

Gay Dot Com

2005-09-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day I persuaded Angelo to bring me to gay.com (with no hesitation) Gosh, it’s been like ages the last time I was on this site, and nothing seems to change – the steamy sexy advertisement of gorgeous men posing half naked (no complains); the easy pop up chatroom displaying all the countries around the globe (no complains…but if only men pop up as fast as this it would’ve been better); and the best part is – all the horny men, waiting patiently to catch their preys (me! Me! Pick me!).

Pardon me, but I’m not a slut. I have to admit that before I met Y…I was somehow, a girl who was willing to explore more than the norms. THAT…makes me special, OK!!!

Anyway, I wasn’t really in the mood of getting hook ups, but merely just look see look see how’s the scenes like, especially over here in LA – the land of golden opportunities (for sex…and possibly men too).

Do you know that there are 13 rooms in Los Angeles alone?! But of course, LA is big. It’s at least 3 or 4 times the size of KL. Everything here is BIG! Do I even have to elaborate more?!

And I told myself (with a big smirk on my face) this can be easy, especially with my shower picture posing (almost) full frontal, I shouldn’t have a problem at all.

5 minutes passed…no one clicked me.

10 minutes…maybe it’s still early. *Yawn*

15 minutes…Should I click someone instead???

20 minutes…Got 2 IMs. One with no pic (sayonara!) and another one was a spam.

25 minutes passed and I was almost falling asleep. Zzzzz…

And all of a sudden, I got one very gorgeous man clicked on me. He’s TOTALLY my type – muscular body, goatee, tall, well hung (just guessing) and had a great smile. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Wow…all the waiting was worth it! And here how it goes:

Hunkyhunk69: hey how are you?
Banana_milkshake: hey I’m good and you?
Hunkyhunk69: you’re cute.
Banana_milkshake: thanks…so are YOU!!! (Sorry, I got all excited!)
(Few minutes paused…)
Hunkyhunk69: you wanna hook up?
Banana_milkshake: But I just broke up! Errr…OK.
Hunkyhunk69: you can see my pics at www.blablablawhatever.com/hunkywellhunghunk. You don’t need a username for it. Just click on the names of hunks you wanna see and you’ll get to see them live on cam. And it’s FREE.

#@%*%$#@#$%....

It feels like a huge dick dangling in front of you but you can’t even touch it.

But of course that’s not the end of my session with gay.com cause I got chatted up by a few men who seem to be interested in me. That’s another episode of my blog.

What I’m trying to say is, sometimes we got so desperate that we would do anything just to get someone and if that someone doesn’t meet our expectation (like Mr. Spam here), we get all upset and pissed.

It’s the same with relationships. We often expect too much from our partners until we forget that nobody’s perfect in this world. Great expectations will turn out to be disappointments if we constantly set certain criteria in our partners. Why can’t we go with the flow? Love would be so much easier if sometimes we just have one of our eyes shut.

If only relationships are so easy to handle…

My First Toy Boy

2005-09-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Oh my, I finally got myself a new toy boy!!! He's nice and sweet and I really love to have him with me (until I get a better one...OK let's not get too greedy here) But believe me, owning him it's not easy at all. First of all, he's pretty expensive and was a little bit over my budget. But I fell in love with him instantly when I saw him yesterday. He was just sitting there, chilling out. There were some other better looking boys, but I told myself that he's gorgeous enough for me. And as long as he can please me in every way I want him to, I don't need some other dashy looking boys!

Secondly, Edwina (my Malaysian girlfriend, a REAL girl with REAL boobs, not the one who’s in London now) and I had to take 2 buses and walk for more than half and hour just to get him. Phew...as I said, it wasn't easy. But it was a huge accomplishment for me. That’s because I finally got my toy boy and now I am madly in love with him (even Edwina fell for him…back off bitch!!!) It's really a good remedy for break up, trust me.

I should introduce a bit about my toy boy. He's Japanese…with a Japanese name (duh!), but I like to call him Angelo cause it sounds like my last name – N.G.O. His features are sharp and he has a strongly built body. I really love his skin colour - slightly tanned and shiny, and different from the rest of the boys.

The best part bout him is - when I’m playing with him (that’s what he’s for, right?!). He’s fun, carefree and always ready for me. Oh my, he’s so nice to touch and always gimme a sense of pleasure. I can do whatever I want with him…and he always obeys what I tell him to do (good for a bossy girl like me!). I don’t have to worry if he’ll get jealous if I talk to other guys, cause he even helps me to get hook ups with them! *big grin*

But the thing with Angelo is when I get too excited playing with him…sometimes he runs out of stamina. Ugh, what a TURN OFF! So I must always get ready some “supplements” to feed him in order to gain back his energy (go figure what supplements are those *wink*) Other than that, he’s always in a good shape and I can’t wait to have some fun with him.

I guess I will spend more time with Angelo since I left Y. I know, it’s not fair for Y…but…WHO ASK HIM TO BE AN ASSHOLE!!!

But I thought bout Y that day…hmmm…I shouldn’t talk bout Y when I’m blogging bout my Angelo, should I?

What I’m trying to say is…since I got Angelo, I’m a happier girl than before. Angelo not only gives me lots of pleasure sexually, but also opens up my eyes and heart to everything and everyone around me. With only one touch away on Angelo…I can remember how much fun I had with my sisters (and no, I’m not a lesbian…although I act like one).

So Angelo, I love you, with all my heart…but if you break down whenever I need you, I will kill you!!!

Just in case you don’t know, Angelo’s real name is Toba WITH a Shi…and he’s my (lap)-TOP.

Moving On

2005-08-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

I was sitting down quietly today and contemplating about what will happen after I move out from Y's house. I know Y could be an asshole sometimes, but I think I will still miss him no matter what. It's hard to accept the fact that I'm single again...

Single and fabulous...and have to work my ass off!!!

But I have no regrets. I have come this far...and I'm not turning back. I have to move on, with or without Y.

Another few minutes, Scott is picking me up. And it's time to say goodbye.

No More Tears

2005-08-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

Y:(in a harsh tone) "Where is it?!"
Me:"Um...I think it's on Sherman Way...and..."
Y:"Call that guy."
(few minutes later...I handed Y the phone cause I was clueless of the direction)
Y:"Hello? Hello?! Are you there?"
(few seconds of silence...)
Y:"Hello!!!"
Me:"Don't touch the top back of the phone..."
Y:"DON'T YELL AT ME."
Me:"I didn't yell at YOU! I was just telling you..."
Y:"And DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO..."
(I kept quiet...holding my tears.)

I knew from that moment on...I don't want to see him for the rest of my life.

The Egoistical Lioness

2005-08-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

"My God...you're so BOSSY!"

That's the comment that I used to get from my friend Jee Jee whenever I am being authoritative to somebody. Honestly speaking, I don't feel that as an insult at all. In fact, I felt proud bout it. I love to be in control...of myself and everybody around me. My friend Jee Jee even gave me a nickname as "Bossy Bottom"...so WHAT?!

OK, a little bit history about me...

I was borned on 2nd of August and I am a typical Leo. Incase you don't know what's the behaviour of a typical Leo...just flip your sunday star to the first page of comic strip - Garfield. Yes, that "attitude" problematic cat does have some similarities with me. Lazy - sometimes; Fierce - sometimes; Funny - yeah...sometimes too; Adorable - I am!!! But not all the time; Stubborn - Most of the time; Egoistic??? - No comment.

A little bit more history about me...

I started off as a medical sales rep after I completed my Bachelor's degree. I didn't quite like the company initially but I stuck to it no matter what. I worked my ass off for the first few months and eventually the result showed. And for the first 2 years I've been in the company, I was crowned as the "Top salesman" (or girl) and I totally loved it. All the attention was on me. My CEO always picked me as an example to the rest of the sales team. Even my Manager lost to me.

Before I left that company, I had the privilege to enjoy few months as an Assistant Sales Manager. I had my own room and there was one subordinate directly under me. Everyone called me "ASM" and I felt proud bout it. I was proud because I worked my ass off to obtain that title. Obviously, there's no competition at all among the sales people.

OK...enough bout work...and history.

And then I met Y (OK, bear with me for another while) and we fell madly in love...through the Internet. I quitted my job and flew few thousand miles to see him and decided to move in and live with him. You see, we were passionate on the net, doesn't mean the passion will still be the same in real life. Everything started to change...including me. I started to see his true colours and he started to notice mine too.

The thing is, Y, is as egoistic as me. I like to control, and so does he. He's a Pisces and we are both fire. So fire and fire create bigger flame...eventually that flame burnt us down. It's suicide and someone has to splash water on it!

We both know perfectly well there are issues between us, but neither of us are making the first move to resolve them. We are too "ego" to take the first step. How SAD! Now I understand that the Leo inside me shouldn't be involved in a relationship with another "Leo". It will turn out to be a hideous cat fight!

And if you love someone, shouldn't you sacrifice your "ego" to the ones you love?

So whose move is it now? His or mine?

Sex & the City - Edited Version.

2005-08-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

I was watching SATC (Sex and the City) the other day on channel 38, tbs, because I was bored and got nothing better to do. Mind you, I love SATC but I've watched the whole 6 season for at least 2 times! So watching back the same old episode didn't seem to be funny anymore.

To those diehard fans of SATC - you remember there was one time when Miranda thought that her gay neighbour, who lived opposite her block, was cruising her but actually he wasn't (he was targeting the guy living one floor below Miranda). And he got Miranda all excited till she did the unspeakable thing - showing her white boobie.

But wait...where's the boobie? Damn, I was so eager to see her boobie!!! Not that I have any interest in women's breasts, but Miranda's boobies are one of a kind. Throughout the whole 6 seasons, Miranda's breasts transformed from nice and tiny "mango" to fleshy and milky papaya-like breasts (remember when Little Brady was hungry...Oh My GOD!)

Apparently, there's a censorship on American TV and I have never thought that it would happen over here in the US. I thought it's a liberal country...no? But come to think again, there's always censorship in everything in our lives. For example, while you're talking to your mom and your mom asked, "how are you and your bf?"; you wouldn't jumped up in excitement and said, "oh we had hot sex all night long, and we did 69..." like you would to your friends. You always filter the details and make sure that those information that you are going to present to her is what she wants to hear. Like "We are fine. (Period)"

I have to admit I'm the Master of Filteration. I edited most of my life to make it sweet and lovely. I ignored whatever hideous things I had done in the past, and swore never to look back again.

Does that make me an optimistic person, or a person who doesn't like to face the reality?

I sincerely don't know and I don't care...cause I'm too tired to think bout it. I am who I am, and I love and hate the person inside me - unedited.

Bed of Roses

2005-08-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

You know, the first time I started writing this blog, I told myself not to write anything personal here. I'm not the type of girl who likes to express my feelings in the public, not because of ego (well, partly), but because I think that letting everyone knows exactly how you feel is not such a good idea. So I was always cautious of what I'm writing.

But I can't help it this time. I'm just going to say whatever I feel like saying, without hurting anyone of course.

Living in LA is a big change in my life - in a good and...a not-so-good way (I gotta be positive!). Nothing comes easy of course. I still remember trying so hard to go for my student visa interivew at the US Embassy. Preparing all the documents and stuff was a nightmare. Trying so hard to figure out what to answer when hit by questions like "Why US?", "Why nursing?" and "Why this and that?". There was a bump unfortunately, and I had to go back again for the 2nd interview. But I got it eventually and I was all set to leave MY for LA.

The last few weeks were the best weeks I had in KL and Penang. I started realising how important my family and my friends are to me. I threw a party for myself with the helps of my friends and it turned out to be quite a blast. Not as fabulous as the parties I attended here in LA, but at least EVERYONE knows me there. I got the chance to meet up with old friends - straights and gays, new friends - hot and not-so-hot. And the best part was, I came out to those who didn't know I was gay (as if...).

To be honest, I couldn't wait to step onto the plane and leave MY for good. I was READY for it. And I told myself there's no turning back and there won't be any regrets.

Gee...I was so naive...cause I was living in a fantasy.

Until I stepped into 19147 Ingomar St., I started to fall back to reality. I was dreaming of long night passionate love makings but they didn't last as long as I wished; I was dreaming of having the house all by ourselves, but that has to wait for another few months (or years?!); I was dreaming of a caring and understanding husband, but no...not up to my standards!

I guess my marriage or life is still a bed of roses...with lots of thorns in it. It's now up to me how to arrange the roses and how to avoid the thorns. It's not fun to get pricked (by thorns I mean!) but everytime when you do get hurt, you learn something.

No...it wasn't as bad as it seems (although I cried more than I cried at the airport) but with the determination I have now to achieve what I want in my life, I am on the right track. Yes, it's gonna be a bumpy ride, but hey, it wouldn't be fun if it's not, right?

I'm OK...and I will always be.

Sigh!

2005-08-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sigh...I really don't know what to write. I know I should be writing about how excited I am in LA, how happy I am when I meet my husband...but no...nothing seems to come into my mind. Nada.

But one thing is for sure - I miss everyone of YOU.

And I need a few words of comfort :(

Friends

2005-07-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

I never thought that I will write my blog again. But lately, when I was having a TWO-ways conversation with Jee Jee, we couldn't help but to gossip bout a friend of ours. Jee got a bit pissed with Miss Carey (not his real name of course!) because Miss Carey has been neglecting us as friends. We were once Charlie's Angels, but that's no longer the case.

So that got me thinking bout friends. We have way too many friends at different stages of our lives - from the half-naked Abangs staying opposite our apartment to the campy Mak Nyahs we met in Liquid. So I've made a list of friends whom I have met along the way.

Long Lost Friends

Friends whom you knew since you were in high schools or universities but have lost touch for some time. Friends whom you wish you could get in touch with again...Like the 9-inches hunk you met in the sauna.

Mutant Friends

Friends who possess super human power that can successfully convert manly Tops to sisterly Bottoms. What can I say, we...are...fa...mily!

Ex-BoyFriends

Friends you wish you'll never see again after you dumped them. Friends you wish they'll see you again (together with Mr. Hunk) after they dumped you.

Boyfriend's Ex-Boyfriends

Friends you never wish to know or hear about, IF they're prettier. Friends you wish to be seen together in public more often, IF you're prettier.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Friends who are TOO PERFECT. They have 'em all...from good looks to big cars; from 6 packs to big dicks; etc. OK, hand me the acid please.

Drama Queens (and Kings)

Friends who always want ATTENTION from their peers and will do anything to get that. Normally these type of friends are Hollywood actors wannabe and excellent script writers.

Cyber Friends

Friends who know when's the best time to ask questions like asl? t/b? How Big?! How Thick?! and etc etc etc...

Just-In-Case-of-Emergency Friends

NO...Not the policeman who stopped you from speeding (well, it might work if you're REALLY good!) I'm talking bout friends whose numbers you kept during the time of crisis and STRICTLY used for emergencies ONLY!

And of course the list goes on and on...Please, feel free to add in the comment section. Merci!

10 Excuses NOT to write Blog

2005-07-12T03:53:00.000-07:00

Few weeks back, my friend Jee Jee and Jo Jo helped me to create this blog. Frankly SPEAKING, I don't really fancy writing (I'm more of a TALKING person - I'm good with anything that using my mouth!) and have never written any journal or diary in my whole life.

But anyway, I promise them to give it a shot. So here I am...

Last week, I read about blog-writing in the newspaper and to my surprise, there are more and more people writing journals online and it has become an IN thing. I always thought that writing journals is a thing of the past, but I was wrong.

People usually pour their feelings that has been kept deep down inside into a diary, especially when you have no one to turn to, which I guess it's meant to be therapeutic to some of us. Traditionally, diaries and journals are meant to be something personal to the writers. But why the hell we wanna write something personal and let everyone read bout it?

So I come up with some excuses NOT to write a blog:

1) It's a WASTE of TIME

C'mon, you gotta be kidding me. Writing blog instead of logging into gay.com chatroom? Writing blog instead of meeting up cute men in the club (or the public toilet)? Writing blog instead of gossipping bout your "girlfriend's" boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend)?

2) Internet was invented for CHATTING, not WRITING!

I always hate ONE WAY conversation...like right NOW. You never get any feedbacks. But when you do get a feedback (for example, a comment on your skinny legs), you can't shoot it back right at their FACE. And they might not even bother to check back what you have replied.

3) There are BETTER reading materials than this

Like Cleo, Honcho, Blue...Not to mention steamy pictures on the web.

4) Nobody Really CARES

About what you have written. Because it's Your LIFE, not THEIRS. Unless you gossip bout 'em, then that's another story all together.

5) Action Speaks Louder than WORDS

Do I have to elaborate more?

6) Sorry, We are Dumb Blondes.

What if you spell "penus" instead of "penis"? You're gonna be the laughing stock for the next century. And puuuhlease...we are waaaaayy to lazy to check the DICKtionary!

7) Let the Past Pass

Why do we need to remind ourselves about our past when we are so busy to look forward in the future? Most people pen down their diaries when they are down and depressed. We wouldn't wanna know we had sex with 3 inches dick man 3 years ago, would we?

8) Who wants to be Carrie?

As in Carrie in Sex and the City. Let's be honest, seriously, if you have the chance to be one of the characters in SATC, would you choose Miss Bradshaw? I wouldn't...Samantha is always on my first choice :)

9) It's like a DRUG

Yes it is. It's just like coffee, ciggy, computer games...and men. You just can't get enough of them. Once you start bitching, you can't stop bitching.

10) That's What Friends Are For

Why do you need to sit in front of the computer (ALONE!) and "talking" to the screen when you can have a whole bunch of "sisterhood" who are ready to be good listeners? We know we are selfish bitches sometimes, but we just gotta do what we gotta do to keep the friendships alive.

Enough SAID!